Hello boys and girls, I am Supreme Allied Commander General Dwight David Eisenhower, but my friends call me “Ike.” For many years I have been a devoted reader of this fine magazine. Why, heck, during the planning stages of Operation Neptune, the Allied invasion of Normandy, I spent many a quiet evening delighting in the quality tractor repair and maintenance information contained in the pages of Axes & Alleys. more »
Reports of Outbreak of War Between Worlds of Earth and Mars Just An Elaborate Radio Show Claim Mercury Theater Producers
Above (from left): Orson Welles, instigator of the hoax; General Bradley, did not invade Mars; Alvin the Martian, Ambassador to the Earth more »
Dear Sirs, Madam and other Sirs,
I am writing to you in order to secure more photographic pictorializations of Dave.
On page 18 of “Axes and Alleys” issue 17, you feature a collectible visual reference square of Dave. We in our family have grown quite accustomed to our photograph of Mr. Davey (as we call him). We bring him with us to the talking pictures, have him around at supper time and leave him to his private time in the mornings. We believe he performs relaxing meditations based upon Oriental philosophical concepts, but are unsure. more »
H.G. Peterson is a lovely person endowed with many talents, among them the ability to use three swords simultaneously whilst dueling with noted German princes.
Sometimes on streets the rain collects into dark patches of mud and corrosive filth fit only for the consumption of a few lesser-known spirochetes, all of whom are a bit low down on the pecking order, for spirochetes that is. Now, in these little splotches trod thousands of feet daily, and only about seventy or so of those are attached to brains that think at all about how the feet they are attached to disrupt the lives of spirochetes. Two of these feet belonged to Thalmudge.
As a small child he had thought often about the ants and microbes who feared his feet as the harbingers of destruction. These creatures lost everything to a foot or to a sneeze and had entire worlds devastated in the common game of kickball. Thalmudge never felt exactly sorry for the ants, he simply noticed their destruction. Sometimes a pile of dead ants slightly amused him. Throughout his childhood, and even into college, he had spent many a summer’s afternoon playing vengeful god to a pile of fire ants. When he was young he used water, sticks and shoes, and as he grew older he began using more advanced implements of destruction such as fireworks, shotguns and high powered rifles fired at close range. more »
Not many Americans are familiar with President Horace B. Borden. You will find no monuments to him nestled upon the Potomac, nor does his face grace a postage stamp or piece of currency, but his wise policy and incorruptible tenacity of personal conviction led the Union through the troubling times of the Crisis of 1883 and through the harrowing times of the Turko-Bolivian War, a time when Ottoman excursions into Latin America threatened to undermine the Monroe Doctrine and spell peril for American economic interests in the region. Born in a rustic cabin on the shores of the Chapaqueedahadic River, which wound its way through the rich forests of the Appalachian foothills of the North West Territory, Horace Benjamin Borden was raised outside of what would eventually become the city of Peregrine, Montsylvania. more »