July 1, 2006 @ 6:45 pm
Due to our inflammatory and, dare we say, privy-mouthed, comments, Dr. Peter Woit of the prestigious Columbia University, his legal council and advisors, have asked that Axes & Alleys officially refrain from endorsing the upcoming pro-science, anti-superstring proposition tome Not Even Wrong.
We at Axes & Alleys hereby claim that we are in no way affiliated with, supported by, or endorsed by Peter Woit, author of this sensational and groundbreaking new work. While we do support Dr. Woit’s ideas, again, we must say, that his lawyers have asked that we not officially endorse his work, ideas or publications.
Dr. Woit, brilliant though he may be, would rather not be seen with us. It’s understandable.
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July 3, 2006 @ 12:00 am
For the next few weeks Axes & Alleys will do something a bit different. Well, actually, we’ll be doing something many magazines have done before. For the month of Caliguli A&A is going on a road trip!
Well, almost all of us are not going anywhere. No, we’ll be here at the offices. Some of us may even partake of furtive, barely-satisfying liaisons in the break room. No, A&A is sending that cute little button Katie Stalin out across America to see what she can see. Several times each week she’ll bring you her observations from the road. We’ve not given any assignments, but we do have one request of her: find at least one person who walks about all day carrying two lobsters. We enjoy crustaceans. They’re cool.
Ms. Stalin has been many things (most recently single), including investigative reporter, master of disguise, travel industry analyst and enthusiast, cloudberry expert, herbicological hobbyist, and ghost writer for Umberto Eco’s How to Travel with a Salmon & Other Essays. Katie has been invaluable to us. For six months she lived as young Asian woman for an upcoming story on the plight of peat moss.
With the exception of Delores P. Grunion, we all wish Katie a safe, enjoyable working holiday across this great confederatorialist nation. Here’s hoping she finds more excitement and erotically satisfying interludes than us back at the ranch. If there’s one person through whom to live vicariously, it’s that apple-cheeked bumpkin, Katie Stalin.
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July 6, 2006 @ 12:01 am
Bayshore, MV-It’s a funny name for a town because there is neither a bay nor a shore within a hundred miles of Bayshore. But this little town still has a character all it’s own. The people and their goats all live on a bluff overlooking a chalk quarry which, for some unknown reason, was filled with sand in 1978. City Council Person, Michael R. Cook, told me that the residents call it as the “sand pit.”
“For the kids,” he said “the sand pit’s been there their entire lives, it’s what they know about Bayshore. It’s a source of pride. We even renamed the high school mascot the Sand Pitter. What puts Bayshore on the map is our big door bell museum.” Of course, I just had to go.
The International Doorbell Museum features over thirty thousand door bells. The prize of the collection in the seventy foot tall, doorbell commissioned by Louis XIV for Versailles. It features life-size clockwork grenadiers who smack a giant bell with brass antelopes while little frog fountains gush water. Curator Hammond Flap let me ring it and yeah, it’s a heck of a doorbell. Since I didn’t wear the ear plugs they gave me, I may have permanent hearing loss.
The museum also features doorbells from pop culture; including the doorbells from the sets of Family Ties, Maude and Seaquest. My favorite parts were the Doorbell Chamber of Horrors, which has Jeffrey Dahmer’s doorbell and the Doorbell Fun Zone, where kids, and even grown up kids like me, can have doorbell fun. There are buttons and lights and even a doorknob you can turn, but it doesn’t really open a door.
Bayshore’s definitely a fun place to visit. I even tried to build a sand castle in the sandpit. And guess what, it was in the shape of a doorbell. Now, off to more adventures across this great country. Wonder where we’ll be next time. Better check back in and find out.
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