Axes & Alleys:
The World’s Greatest Tractor Related
Magazine. Now Featuring Tractors!

A Special Tractor Related Issue!

Axes & Alleys has received numerous letters over the years, which we often publish. Recently, a disturbing spate of letters decrying Axes & Alleys’ move away from tractor-related phenomena. This flow of negative energy has increased proportionally with the number of such issues published.

As Axes & Alleys’ new Editor-In-Chief and former cover girl, I vow to address these issues. While we will continue to publish content of various natures for the foreseeable future, we have decided to bring you, our readers, a special treat.

This month’s issue will be solely related to tractors, tractor history, tractor maintenance and tractor repair. Each subsequent issue will not follow this format, however we offer you this special, collector’s edition, full black and white spread.

Axes & Alleys’ readership and advertising sales have grown 2138% and twenty-fold respectively in the past year. Many of our readers are no longer interested in tractor repair and maintenance, as evidenced by the past seven letters sections. Furthermore, a growing number of our employees are drawn from non-tractorial fields. Axes & Alleys’ is only a magazine without its employees.

This issue is also new in that it is sponsored by AgroFarm™, a Daniel Bester, Inc. Company™. We felt a special issue required a special offer, so we brought AgroFarm™ into the fold with this one.

In addition to the normal journalistic content, you will find a special, subscribers-only extra. In addition to two unique covers, each magazine will also include a sample of AgroFarm™’s space-engineered microfertilizer or instructions on how to build your own nuclear powered farm or a genetically modified tuber from AgroFarm™’s parent company, NuLife, which can withstand the effects of aging.

xxx ooo

Delores R. Grunion

Axes & Alleys: No Longer Available in Finland as Dictated by the Papacy

A Special Commemorative Issue

Celebrating Fifty Years of Underpants

While we here at Axes and Alleys normally shy away from specialized issues and other cheap tricks, we have recently realized that such tricks do actually enable us to sell more issues. Hence our new policy of putting photographs of nearly nude women on our cover. And hence this, a specialized commemorative issue.

Of course, we will never fail to bring you the best in tractor repair and maintenance information, but now all our up-to-date, highly informative, tractor-related articles will also feature flashy graphics, big colorful ads and lots of pictures of scantily clad women.

Welcome to the new era for Axes & Alleys and join us as we celebrate 50 Years of wonderful underpants. Cheers.

Axes and Alleys: the most Leviticus-friendly tractor related publication out there. Period.

This month, Axes & Alleys will explore the vast depths of the human psyche, the highest reaches of inner space, the widest territories of late-Medieval Czech colloquialisms and the brightest points of fog science. We regret this momentary departure from tractor-related reporting and reviewing, but two factors have brought us to this temporary impasse.

The tractor industry has been in a slump during the first quarter. No new models have been added to any of the major tractor manufacturing companies, including Snuggies Tract’s, Parsimmon Horsepower Extravaganza or Buffalo Power Sowing.

Also, due to Kalisotta House Bill 3619.3, passed by a four vote margin in February, Axes & Alleys is also required to publish one non-tractorial issue per annum in accordance with Section 3, Paragraph 75, sub-section H, clause 1.

Our sister publication, Cosmopolitan Nun’s Home Journal will feature many articles on tractor repair and maintenance this month in order to better serve our readers, however the bulk of the magazine will still be devoted to such topics as the proper technique with which to give the Saviour oral sex and proper table settings for a visiting Abbott and retinue.

Again, we offer our sincerest apologies, but we sincerely hope you enjoy this momentary departure from our normal standards. We’ve attempted to make it as entertaining as possible for you, our dear reader.

xxx ooo

Delores R. Grunion

Hello good readers,

This month, we the writers, publishers and editors of this fine periodical have decided that, while we have had much success in the past, the time has come to move forward into a bigger and better world

Therefore, for this edition, we have elicited the help of our good friend and colleague Doctor Edward Morbius in our continued effort to improve our lovely trade publication. With his guidance, we were introduced to the wonders of Krell brain enhancing machinery

Though this enhancement produced an invisible energy id beast that wrecked a great portion of our staff offices, we hope you enjoy this edition, made better through the utilization of the technology of ancient dead races.

Hello boys and girls, I am Supreme Allied Commander General Dwight David Eisenhower, but my friends call me “Ike.” For many years I have been a devoted reader of this fine magazine. Why, heck, during the planning stages of Operation Neptune, the Allied invasion of Normandy, I spent many a quiet evening delighting in the quality tractor repair and maintenance information contained in the pages of Axes & Alleys. Continue reading →