Axes & Alleys: Soon to be a prime-time hospital drama!
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A More Elegant Magazine for a More Civilized Age

Scientists at the Franco-American Theoretical Astronomical Studies Society (FATASS) recently published the first pictures of Saturn’s moon Titan. Titan is one of the largest bodies in our solar system and has a thick atmosphere which some scientists posit may be similar to Earth’s early atmosphere. As there are liquids on the surface of Titan some have even speculated that there may be exotic forms of life found on the icy moon.

But, the researchers point out, the most important thing found on Titan is rocks. As seen in the above picture, Titan is similar to Mars, the Moon and Venus, in that it has rocks.
“Truly ours is a solar system full of rocks” said Nicole Baugh, one of the graduate students helping study the exciting information on new rocks found in the solar system.
We at Axes & Alleys salute these bold scientists. With each discovery of new rocks on some planet, or whatnot, human knowledge grows. Rocks are cool.

From the Authors of the Declaration of Independence!

If there is one thing to which Axes & Alleys is committed, it is getting our job done each and every month, on-time and regardless of difficulties presented by fate. We know that many of you are nervous, queasy, uneasy, anxious and agitated over the events of the past few weeks. Indeed, the past fortnight has affected the production schedule of this publication in many ways. However, you now hold in your hand the latest issue!

Obviously the entire staff, except for Lilly, has worked diligently to get this magazine to you. And we’ll keep doing it! No matter what may come, nor what may get destroyed, we will get Axes & Alleys to you. Civilization may pass into the beyond and our religious institutions may perish, and you’ve got the personal promise of one Delores R. Grunion that Axes & Alleys will keep coming to you. We may have to publish in strange materials. We may distribute a little more using pack animals and bicycles. But one thing can be sure for you in the coming tribulations: Axes & Alleys.

This Issue is Scratch and Sniff! (Czech Republic Edition Only)

The year 2004 A.D. has been remarkable. Throughout this year we have seen monumental changes in politics, religion, economics, and agricultural machinery. While there are many naysayers out there who fear these changes, we at Axes & Alleys welcome this new world and urge our readers to do likewise.

Sure, there have been many widespread rare isolated incidents of cyborg attacks on ordinary citizens, and of cyborg-controlled farm machinery running amuck, but these occurrences, while ever increasing in their frequency and deadliness, are generally on the decline. Truly there is nothing to fear from these fearsome human-computer hybrids and the destruction they bring. Many thought the light bulb would lead to moral decay, yet here we are living every hour under the illumination of these wondrous tungsten-filled orbs.

Without a doubt, the most exciting news of 2004 was the development and release of implant technology from Movable Type Printing, Axes & Alleys’ parent company. From now on, you good readers, need not be burdened with cumbersome pages, ink and covers. With just a quick bit of surgery you can now have a chip installed in your brain that will allow you to read Axes and Alleys online from the comfort of your own head. Just drop us a line if you’re interested.

Yeah, it sure has been an exciting year. Can’t wait to see what 2005 will bring our way.

Ta ta for now.
Delores R. Grunion

Axes & Alleys : Riding the Tricycle of Freedom All the Way Home!

Dear Readers,
This issue of your beloved Axes & Alleys is lovingly dedicated to the Children of the Eighties. Truly you have made pop-culture your own. Yours is Star Wars, yours is Charles in Charge , yours is The Smurfs , Punky Brewster , Saved by the Bell and everything in between. Our blessings unto you, oh noble ones.