Axes & Alleys: The Twelth Branch of Government!
If you’ve ever noticed that instructions involving tabs always tell you to insert Tab A into Slot B, then you’ll know we’ve noticed that, too. How couldn’t we? Instructions, directions, edicts, proscriptions, prescriptions, directives, or whatever you choose to call them are of great interest to Axes & Alleys.
In fact, there’s an entire manual saved to a special folder on our office server detailing exactly how to write this page. This instruction set (or “procedure file”) was last opened on Vespril 29th, 1999. The IT department can’t tell us exactly who it was who opened it, but it was probably our intern Myra Levins since it was opened from the intern computer station.
Myra has been an intern at the magazine for over 15 years and, as is the usual process for such an occasion, we would like to dedicate this issue to her past and continued unpaid and, before now, unappreciated service. At 30 Myra can still collate with the best of ‘em and is certainly one of the hottest women to ever grace the Axes & Alleys offices.
Levins, here’s to you!
Delores R. Grunion
The Clauduary Cover Girl: Cassie Hack
Cassie Hack is the protagonist of the indie comic Hack/Slash.
As she is a fictional character, she has no real existence
and thus has no soul and only eight toes.
Axes & Alleys: We Did What We Could!
What you are reading now is not the original month of Maine issue. No, unfortunately the editorial staff spent a wild evening out at the local watering hole and by the end of the evening we were so trashed that we accidentally left the galley proof at the bar. We thought about calling the next day to see if it were still there, or if someone had turned it into the lost and found, but we couldn’t do that because we were too embarrassed about what DJ Trickyfingers did to the dartboard. They’ll probably have to buy a new dartboard.
Instead, we just threw this new version of the issue together at the last moment before the deadline. It’s not as good as the issue should have been, but it’s okay, because we all had a really great time that night.
Delores R. Grunion
The Maine Cover Girl: Aimee Echo
Aimee Echo, of theSTART and
the unfortunately-named Human Waste
Project, is a Los Angeles-based person
who has noted the politeness of the
A&A Editorial staff.
Once again the lovely month of Maine is upon us; splendid Maine with its foosball championships, cranberry festivals, bear baitings and lovely sprautumn foliage.
And, this Maine is a cause for special celebration as it represents the start of a new year (2008, the two thousand and eighth year since the little-known year naught). New Year’s is a chance for resolutions, so why not resolve in 2008 to buy two copies of your favorite tractor repair and maintenance magazine. Why, that’ll give us twice the circulation and allow us double our ad rates and revenues. Everyone wins!
Download the newest issue of Axes & Alleys today and feel free to ogle all of our previous issues in the archive.
Axes & Alleys: Indicted, but Never Convicted!
It has come to our attention that the name of the legendary rock and roll quartet The Beatles is, in fact, a pun. You see, the spelling indicates a beat, or rhythmical interval relating to music, while the actual sound of the name is obviously intended to make one think the word refers to a certain order of arthropods.
This is a travesty.
A Group acknowledged as one of the greatest in recorded history both musically and lyrically, a group which penned such songs as “Hey Jude,” “Ask Me Why,” and “I Want You (She’s So Heavy)” did not have enough imagination to avoid a pun. At the least they could have attempted to conjure up the thousands of armoured species of beetle, or the Nazi car named after same.
But no; John, Ringo, George, and Paul resorted to a pun. Way to go Liverpudlians.
Delores R. Grunion
The Vespril Cover Girl: Azura Skye
Azura Skye would be an excellent
choice to play Nutia Titelbaum,
should anyone decide to a make
a movie about her life.
In New York there appear to be a series of hate crimes targeting blacks with nooses and Jews with swastikas. These messages of hate have appeared on light fixtures and doors with racial slurs and epithets written nearby.
We feel left out. Not a single swastika has been scrawled anywhere near our offices. If anything, swastikas offer an opportunity to play four-square tic tac toe. Also, the news likes to come around and interview people with swastikas on their property and we want to be on television.
You’d think with all the hateful things we’ve said over the years, someone would leave us something offensive. We’ll even take an “Irish need not apply” sign.
In that light, why not download the newest issue of Axes & Alleys today and feel free to ogle all of our previous issues in the archive.