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A VERY SPECIAL END-OF-THE-WORLD ISSUE

We here at Axes and Alleys must report the latest very unfortunate news. It seems as though this world we have come to love and dwell upon is coming to an end next Tuesday. Therefore, we must apologize as this will be our final issue.

This was first brought to our attention when Dr. Sigmund G. Folive, our resident Egyptologist, turned in his latest report on the precise scientific measurement of the Great Pyramid of Cheops in Egypt.

It seems that when one multiplies the height of the Pyramid (481 ft.) by the measurements of the bases (4 x 775.75) and then multiplies that number by the degree of inclination (51?) and then divides the total by the number of blocks used in the construction (2,300,000); and when this sum is multiplied by the number of stars in the Milky Way Galaxy (605,166,825.22) you get the number 20,031,021,915 which corresponds to the date October 21st, 2003 at 9:15. Archaeologists are not sure, however, as to whether this indicates an evening or morning apocalypse.

They are certain, though, that this is correct as they have found hieroglyphs which state that the Pyramid was built specifically for the purpose of determining the end of the year by using the Neo-Gregorian calendar and modern Imperial units of measurement. So, readers, enjoy this last issue and have a nice Doomsday.

Issue 18 featurs such exciting things as buckets, teddy bears, cooking recipes, and even helpful hints for protesters.

A Message from the Publisher

Dear Reader,

Here at the Royal Tractor Repair and Maintenance Society of Outer Mongolia, we have always striven to bring you the very best in tractor repair and maintenance related information. I’m sure you are well aware of this, of course.

This issue, however, is of utmost import; for you see, gentle reader, this is our centennial issue. This journal was begun in the year 1903, back in the time when life was simple and folks were God-fearing and dared not speak of things unspeakable.

A lot has changed in the past one hundred years. Mankind has conquered the air, set food upon the surface of the Moon, invented Silly Putty™ and calculated pi (π) to the quadrillionth decimal. Yet despite these changes we still remain, irrevocably, human. We still fear clowns and spiders, still get hit in the head when we step upon the non-manipulatory section of a rake, and still harbor a deep hatred of brown-skinned peoples.

So, my dear readers, when you partake of this particular issue remember, if you will, that in the past century we have learned much, forgotten more and have had a few things just on the tip of our collective tongues. May God bless and may the next five scores provide as much excitement, terror and joy as the past ten decades have.

Sir Lionel Buxton Humbridge

Welcome to Issue 17! Inside you’ll find all your favorites, plus monotremes, aeroplanes, and our Eugenic Plea.

A Special Dedication

This Month’s Issue is Cordially Dedicated to the
Memory of our Beloved Friend, Hero and
Brother Doctor Rodger Griswald Surrey
Poet, Author, Explorer, Theosophist,
Mathematician, Dreamer, Philosopher, and
Collector of Rare and Unusual Monkey and Ape
Skeletons.

A Man of Wisdom and Worldly Prowess.
Taken from this Mortal Coil far too soon as he
was consumed by the living fire during a freak
Hover Craft accident.

We will remember him in our hearts as he sits in
the Purgatory, suffering for his sins as he awaits
a vacancy in Heaven.

Rodger Griswald Surrey
(1892-2003)