Volume 456-BR6 Issue 21

C2

Doctor Morbius

Hello good readers,

This month, we the writers, publishers and editors of this fine periodical have decided that, while we have had much success in the past, the time has come to move forward into a bigger and better world

Therefore, for this edition, we have elicited the help of our good friend and colleague Doctor Edward Morbius in our continued effort to improve our lovely trade publication. With his guidance, we were introduced to the wonders of Krell brain enhancing machinery

Though this enhancement produced an invisible energy id beast that wrecked a great portion of our staff offices, we hope you enjoy this edition, made better through the utilization of the technology of ancient dead races.

Advertisements (Classified): November 2003

For Sale:
16 lbs. of carrot food. Great tasting, your carrots are guaranteed to eat up this fine and nutritious meal. Call Joe Strebling an asshole.

For Sale:
Two energy levels of six energy level electron shell. $7 or best offer. Sorry, all shells filled randomly. Contact Stephen H. at 734-1862.

Wanted:
Amateur garden hose roller for retirement home community. Must have experience rolling hoses of all ages, ranging from rubber to plastic sheathed mylar fabric. Washer assembly knowledge a plus. $6.25/hr plus meals. Eldritch Home for the Hose, 1635 Weatherby Way, Quonset, NT Continue reading

A Handy Field Guide to Evil’s Supreme Potentate (The Devil)

by Scott G. Birdseye, Doctor of Philosophy

Scott G. Birdseye

Often the popularity and longevity of stories and myths lies in the strength of the central antagonist. Christian mythology follows this trend, as its villain remains one of the most compelling and infamous characters in the whole of literature. Despite the integral nature of Satan within Christianity’s cosmic drama, the character is not a purely Christian construct and receives only limited mention in the Bible. The character, known alternately as Satan, Lucifer, the Devil, Beelzebub or the Beast, is an amalgamation of pagan Celtic and Greek, Hebrew, and Zoroastrian figures molded into its most recognizable representation by early Christian theologians, Medieval European philosophers and writers of the Renaissance. Continue reading

How to Create Your Own Nineteenth Century Name

To create a more dignified and gentlemanly name for yourself, simply pick one name from each of the columns below. Then, using your selections, go to your local Department of Motor Vehicles and get a new Driver’s? License bearing that name. Then enjoy life more fully. It really is just that simple. Continue reading

A Special Editorial on the Subject of Those Things Which Are Known as Weights for Papers

FROM THE DESK OF DAVE BASKERVILLE
Dave

I want to paste old macaroni to construction paper and create a useless piece of crap and call it art. If no one will buy it and the critics crucify me, then I’ll call it a paperweight, which is basically a useless piece of crap, purchased as a gift for those who we assume have problems with open windows, or rather the drafts of wind which blow through them, blowing away important papers. Continue reading