Author Archives: Jeremy Rosen

Esperanto Royal Family to Visit the New York City!

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Esperian Royal Family
The Supreme Royal Court of the Holy Esperian Proletariat (from left): front row; King Simio IV, Queen Kuko lau’ Deziro Morto, back row (which is left to right); Grand Duchess Bestak de Biskvito, Lady Malsana Intesto and Generalissimo Homakipi Kun a Stulta C’Capelo

ESPERON – In an official statement reported by the RKA (Reg’a Komuniko de Aero), the official state-run media of the Royal Republic of Esperia, the Korteganaro de Esperia is planning an official state visit to New York City to coincide with the opening of the newly refurbished United Nations Snack Bar, which will now feature Starbucks Coffees among its other treats.

Pozicio Voc’o, official spokesman for the Royal House, declared in a recent press release “La Korteganaro estas anticipi ilia vojag’o al Ameriko. Kvankam milito, malami, et komerci konkurado fantomi nia du nacioj kiel turpa fantomoj, ni esperi la estonta esta pli bona.” Secretary of State Colin Powerl’s secretary sent out a form letter last Tuesday expressing similar regards.

Currently, the Royal Family is wintering in the Montoc’eno Mountains. While a specific arrival date in New York is unknown, courtiers have already contacted Vojagagentejo, the official state-run travel office of Esperia.

The United Nations Snack Bar will reopen on December 3d, with the Official Bagel BUttering Ceremony set to begin promptly at 10:34 AM, Eastern Time.

Esperian Flag

Written Correspondences from Good Natured Gentlemen Who Have Read Our Previous Installments and Wish to Comment on Some Aspects Thereof

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To the Editors,

I would sincerely enjoin you to print this open letter to my constituents as their kind support has gotten me to the pinnacle I’ve reached as of Tuesday’s election. Citizens of Porkford and Pickle County, thank you for your kind consideration in electing me the 8th St. and James Madison Blvd. Weird Guy of the Porkford Civil Departments. I am deeply gratified and honored at the overwhelming support from this community. Continue reading →

Volume 456-BR6 Issue 21

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C2

Doctor Morbius

Hello good readers,

This month, we the writers, publishers and editors of this fine periodical have decided that, while we have had much success in the past, the time has come to move forward into a bigger and better world

Therefore, for this edition, we have elicited the help of our good friend and colleague Doctor Edward Morbius in our continued effort to improve our lovely trade publication. With his guidance, we were introduced to the wonders of Krell brain enhancing machinery

Though this enhancement produced an invisible energy id beast that wrecked a great portion of our staff offices, we hope you enjoy this edition, made better through the utilization of the technology of ancient dead races.

Advertisements (Classified): November 2003

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For Sale:
16 lbs. of carrot food. Great tasting, your carrots are guaranteed to eat up this fine and nutritious meal. Call Joe Strebling an asshole.

For Sale:
Two energy levels of six energy level electron shell. $7 or best offer. Sorry, all shells filled randomly. Contact Stephen H. at 734-1862.

Wanted:
Amateur garden hose roller for retirement home community. Must have experience rolling hoses of all ages, ranging from rubber to plastic sheathed mylar fabric. Washer assembly knowledge a plus. $6.25/hr plus meals. Eldritch Home for the Hose, 1635 Weatherby Way, Quonset, NT Continue reading →

A Handy Field Guide to Evil’s Supreme Potentate (The Devil)

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by Scott G. Birdseye, Doctor of Philosophy

Scott G. Birdseye

Often the popularity and longevity of stories and myths lies in the strength of the central antagonist. Christian mythology follows this trend, as its villain remains one of the most compelling and infamous characters in the whole of literature. Despite the integral nature of Satan within Christianity’s cosmic drama, the character is not a purely Christian construct and receives only limited mention in the Bible. The character, known alternately as Satan, Lucifer, the Devil, Beelzebub or the Beast, is an amalgamation of pagan Celtic and Greek, Hebrew, and Zoroastrian figures molded into its most recognizable representation by early Christian theologians, Medieval European philosophers and writers of the Renaissance. Continue reading →