Axes & Alleys: A Cornucopia of Wonder!
Volume 456-BR7 Issue 15
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Classified Ads: February 2006
FOR SALE
World’s largest hamster. It’s fifty three feet long and lives in an airplane hangar. Once it ate a mailman. $400 or best offer.
Toby, Box 21.
FOR SALE
Radio-cryptology kit, including rotary hammer, spelunking bib and powdered helmet mix. Perfect gift for any radio-cryptologists you know.
718-093-9312, ext. 405.
FOR SALE
Trireme, slightly used, some oars missing. Slave rowers available for extra cost.
Talk to Bobby D. down at the office.
WANTED
Robotic squirrels for use in terrarium. Should look as realistic as possible.
Ramada Inn, Treper’s Pass NV.
FOR SALE
Two butter knives, one for butter and one for margarine. Do not mix them up. Contract is voided if you mix them up. Don’t do it.
Randolph VI of Silesia. Box 456.
FOR SALE
Two eyebrows, brown in color. Found in alley.
Chad Colon. 747-474-7744.
FOR SALE
One hundred and twelve complete sets of “12 Monkeys” action figures. Free broken radiator valve included.
Tony Blair, 10 Downing St. London SW1.
FOR SALE
Motorboat noise. I will come over and do my noise any time you want for only four dollars a minute.
Carrie Anne Moss. Box 121.
World of Economics
Researchers Release New Findings
A new study conducted by the International Institute of Economics and Such has determined that there is not a high degree of correlation between US space shuttle launches and the gross domestic product of Guatemala.
The group looked specifically at the period between 1985 and 2004 and made the startling conclusion that the Guatemalan economy and the NASA mission schedules seemed to have had no influence on each other.
Incidences of space shuttle missions varied from a high of nine (in 1985) to a low of zero (in 1987). Meanwhile, the Guatemalan economy seems to be growing at a slow but steady rate.
The results can be seen in the graph below, which charts space shuttle launches by year in comparison with the GDP of Guatemala in billions of dollars. Most interesting is the fact that the graph of the shuttle launch schedules resembles a kitty cat.
Scooter Memories, Part V
by Jeremy-Joseph Rosen
Javier recognized Scooter right away. A brilliant smile, like none Scooter had ever seen on him, crossed Javier’s face. A cigarette dangled from his mouth and his jacket collar was turned up.
“Scooter,” exclaimed Javier.
Some strange force overcame them and they embraced. There was plenty of smiling to go around. Some hearty pats on the back and then a long look at each other. Scooter was curious about Javier.
He asked, “Where have you been?”
Javier laughed.
“Let’s go grab some coffee.”
So Scooter piled into Javier’s car and they were off. The drive was long and curiously quiet. Javier asked Scooter if there was a good shop they could go to and before he could think about the answer, Kalisotta Koffee Klatch was the place that spilled from his mouth.