It is the first day of the month, and you know what that means; you can now download the Mapril Issue preview by clicking below. Be the first kid on your block to download and read the newest and most exciting issue of Axes & Alleys ever.
Download Vol. 456-BR7 ISSUE 13
Read it and then you’ll know why Pine must be destroyed.
This is the last Axes & Alleys interconnected network postism of the year 2005 (A.D. Neo-Gregorian). Owing to calendrical difficulties (specifically the fact that the calendar year is 365.25 days long), we at Axes & Alleys enjoy marking the New Year at each perihelion, hence we tend to ignore the January 1st nonsense.
For once though, we’ve decided to do something to celebrate the coming of 2006 in January. While previously issues have premiered on the 20th of each month, they will now debut on the 1st of each month.
Make sure you check out the site the first of each month for all new exciting Axes & Alleys issues. No more waiting till the 20th to find out what Montezuma has to say about dandruff or what that whacky Dave has gotten himself into this time.
Well, fancy that, you get to view all our new issues 20 days earlier. Just one of the many remarkable changes you’ll see over the next year.
But don’t worry, everything you love about Axes & Alleys will still be there. No matter what, we’ll still provide you with all the best in tractor repair and maintenance information. One hundred and three years going strong.
xxx ooo
Delores Grunion
A few of you have noticed our new reviews section. Axes & Alleys will add future and past reviews to this section as we see fit. When you run across one, in print or online, feel free to email us about it. We offer some vast rewards.
Recently Focus on the Family’s media review magazine for parents, Plugged In, reviewed Axes & Alleys. They don’t normally review print media as their focus is film, television and music, but they seem to have made an exception in our case.
We don’t think they like us. That’s okay, because the staff here was brought up mostly in the generation where self-esteem was important over everything else. So, while we can’t fight you in a dark alley or hit a baseball very well, we still feel good about it.
Sporks: Behold the Glorious Future
by Dave Hinge
Sporks are a very serious thing. While many in the public feel content to mock sporks, they are fools. The spork is perhaps the most amazing human achievement of the past two hundred and thirty-two years. Eclipsed perhaps only by the aeroplane, the spork is a matter of pure genius. It is at once a fork and a spoon, and yet it is neither.
In an age of dwindling natural resources, it is important that our consumer-driven economy conserve every bit of material. Why spend twice as much energy producing a fork and a spoon when you can produce a single spork for half the cost?
The same can be said about the popularity of the new camera-phone. For years, going back to the nineteenth century, people have been craving a contraption which is both a camera and a phone. Now they have it and now we need not waste our precious metals and plastics on producing just phones or just cameras. We have camera-phones and we have sporks.
How glorious.
Hopefully new conservation-minded products will be on the horizon. Perhaps today some plucky young scientist is working on a rake-frying pan. Fry eggs and rake your leaves with only one instrument. No more searching through the kitchen or garage when you need to proper tool. Or the bottle opener-iron lung; another wonderful idea which will save countless dollars. Maybe the bicycle-sombrero won’t be too far off; I can foresee a wondrous future where you can ride your hat to work. Just after that scientists will invent the photo album-gargoyle. It’s a gargoyle, perfect for any gothic decoration on your castle, but it also holds and displays photographs of your loved ones. What about a combination between a coffin and chewing gum? That would be perfect for any occasion. And let’s not forget the ironing board-rowboat or the cigarette lighter-Persian rug or the all important dueling pistol-wheelbarrow.
For each combination we cut our society’s waste and pollution in half. So the next time you see a neat two-in-one product make sure you purchase it. Not for yourself, but for your children, and your children’s children and for those people’s planet’s future.
Axes & Alleys: Featuring Many Animals!
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