Brussels, Belgium, EU – As onlookers gawked and emotions ran high, officials could do little but shake their heads and wonder why.

“Why?” asked Transit Supervisor Daniel Daumhus. “Why would civilized people do so poor a job painting a bus?”

Though the government attempted to reassure the public, witnesses to the tragedy reported that the undercoating was unevenly thick. The Transit du Brussels logo had several words misspelled, while the newly installed tires made sounds like a bell. Rust protection was absent and there were clearly drip marks which showed that the paint had been globbed on in parts.

Ivak Bingson, acting head of the Walloon Independence Brigade, appeared in a video the
group brazenly made. On the terrorist’s website he made the bold claim taking credit for poor workmanship and all of the blame. Shaking with fury, he promised that the clumsiness would continue unless the government gave amnesty for Walloon parking tickets forgiving every last cent.

The bus attack was the fourth this month in Brussels alone. The first was the upside down hanging of a public telephone. An antique clock was dropped by members of the Walloon bar and the next week two newspapers were left on a subway car. Only days prior to their attack on the bus, the WIB caused a city-wide fuss; unplugging no less than four Lite- Brites® and a soft drink vending machine under cover of night.

“These attacks will continue as long as the Belgian oppression continues to oppress us via its government intercession. Walloons forever!” Ivak boldly declared via an online webboard called Smurfs Ensnared. Moderators countered by requesting politely that future comments not depart from The Smurfs so lightly; episodes, characters, metaphysics,
distribution, art, fan-fic, or the Region 02 DVD of Season One rumoured to be in production.

Meanwhile the people of Brussels can only endure, never knowing when the next Walloon attack will leave them insecure. Commisar of the Police, Vaan Haar der Veer stated that “We [das Polizen] will remain will get our people clear. It is true, they will microwave taco shells in violation of the instructions on the package, causing much devastation. They may
place mediocre paintings in ugly frames, they might mix up the pieces of strangers’ board games, they may go to banks and attempt to cash several cheques made out for mere fractions of a euro cent. They’ll probably place spectacles upon the eyes of statues, they may even go to the Lost & Found and claim items they did not actually lose. But rest assured, we will finally stop the WIB and bring this terror to an end, that you will see.”

“I sure do hope so,” said a small child, clutching a teddy bear.

If ants built space ships most people assume they wouldn’t be very big because ants are quite small. Formic spaceships wouldn’t be as tiny as many assume, though, because ant colonies can get to be pretty large, covering acres of land to depths of several feet. Still, a spaceship built by a colony of ants wouldn’t be terribly huge.

The traditional image of ants created through science media is usually one of strife involving raids, slavery, and death. What if the space race brought the colonies together? I like to imagine that a space program would bring the entire race of ants together in a type of social insect utopia. In that case they would need a bigger ship.

A natural design for such a ship would be the shape of an ant itself, stylized of course to avoid infringing on the sensibilities of any species. From antennae to the end of the abdomen it would measure perhaps 12.7 kilometers long. The widest diameter of the ship would be across the abdomen, at around 6.1 kilometers.

The internal superstructure of the abdomen, legs, thorax, and head are to consist of enclosures which can be adjusted to the direction of thrust, providing a simulation of gravity. When the ship is in free-fall, the carpeted hallways will provide gripping points for the ants.

Propulsion comes through a hydrogen-fueled Bussard ramjet. The long, protruding antennae of the ship and the mandibles located at the front of the head are to produce the field for the craft’s ramjet. Interstellar hydrogen is to be guided through the mandibles and into the mouth, through the central fusion mass conduit modeled on an ant’s gut, and finally into the six fusion propulsion systems located at the tip of each of the leg structures. The fusion system will then provide thrust and power for the ship.

Biomass for the ants’ consumption would be located throughout the abdomen. Special fungus and aphid farms will be installed towards the front of this section for those species who require them. Otherwise the storage facilities will contain vegetable matter.

The thorax of the ship would contain gigantic environmental systems to handle the air and water needs of the ant colonies. The air processors will use oxygen and nitrogen generated by the biomass in the abdomen to supply the vast majority of atmosphere for the rest of the ship, while secondary storage and generation equipment remains on permanent stand-by in case of emergency. Since ants get most of their water from food, the water reclamation system required is much simpler as it is mostly there for the benefit of the biomass.

The filtration and recycling system is to be connected to the biomass storage facility through an open circulation system, constantly cycling water from the abdomen to the processing equipment and back. Connected to the fusion power plant at the rear of the abdomen through a set of tracheae, electrical distribution can be efficiently routed throughout the ship without sacrificing living or storage space. It can then be used as a secondary source for heating due to its proximity to the heating system.

The heating system will rely both on electricity coming from the fusion plant and the warmth from the moist, hot air created by the decomposition of vegetable matter in the fungus farms. After reaching the distribution junction, this air is then passed through the environmental system to extract its moisture, whence it passes to all points beyond.

Living space for the individual colonies will be located in the remaining areas of the abdomen. The fore section of the abdomen will feature environments dedicated mainly to those species residing in tropical and desert biomes, as these decks are closest to the heat distribution system. The top-most section will contain species from dry temperate locations, while the aft decks will contain species from wet temperate locations and those from cold or sub-arctic regions. Colonies residing near the engineering centers of the thorax will be those from environmental regions representing an extreme mix of temperatures and moistures.

The ship’s head is, naturally, to be the command and control centre. The lower portion will ensconce the main computer and auxiliary control systems (such as the Bussard field adjustment computer and environmental control). The upper portion, complete with multi-faceted view screens and other sensors built into the eyes, is the Bridge, which will be staffed by specially grown controller and navigator drones.

Astrogation and propulsion would be controlled directly from the Bridge. At the same time, command officer drones can issue orders to their various colonies through pheromone disseminating pneumatic tubes specific to each species. The pneumatic system carries a control pheromone to the appropriate colony located in the abdomen. From there a pheromone disbursement officer carries the message throughout the colony.

Colony Queens would spend the majority of their time at the Queen’s Deck, located in the bottom aft section of the abdomen, directly above the main docking bay. Most eggs will be kept in the temperature controlled storage decks, while some will be carried directly to the docking bay for placement on the landing pods used for colonizing suitable planets. The single airlock located in the extreme aft section allows for launching colonization pods, as well as for the jettisoning of trash and waste.

As you can see, a multi-species advanced interstellar craft for ants is a feasible idea for the most part. There are some problems surrounding ant cognition, manufacturing methods, and economic systems, but these can be overcome in time. Remember that Mankind took only six decades to advance from flight to space travel, and that ants have already been flying for millions of years.

After coming along with me on this beautiful journey into the possible, don’t you also think it would be wonderful for ants to reach for the stars, come together in filial admiration, and build a fancy, ant-shaped spaceship? I thought you would.

Pylon, PL– Platha State Union Steward-Premier Alexander Botchy appeared triumphant as he stood in the parking lot of the Platha State Union Building in Downtown Pylon. Flanked by recently appointed Governor Alexander Osten and Communications Commandant Dmetri Treskeshuvya-Schodtiv, and surrounded by distinguished and heavily-armed members of the Platha State Union Precautionary Brigade, Steward-Premier Botchy led a hastily assembled crowd in a hearty rendition of the unofficial State Anthem, Hell on Wheels, before announcing the official election results.

While reporters and citizens not approved by members of the Political Conclave were barred from documenting or recording the announcement, my translator from the Ministry of Historical Document Distribution provided a transcript and press release stating:

The People of Platha have once again wisely chosen to allow the Platha State Union to govern them. This is a day of great victory for Platha and a day of humiliating defeat for the Enemy Party, who received not one vote. What a wondrous and historic day for the institution of democracy and for the people of Platha.

As a result of this new election the Platha State Union retained an overwhelming majority of 100% in the four member Council of Control, the eight member House of Progress Determination, the twelve-member State Senate and the eighteen-member People’s Committee for Authorization. Currently, the ballots and elections are under the control of the three members of the Committee for Leadership, a sub-committee of State Union’s Council for Perpetuation of Progress. In their next session, the Supreme Court of the United States agreed to hear the cases American Freedom Party vs. Platha State Union and Free America Party vs. Alexander Reich. In both cases plaintiffs claimed the Platha State Union has engaged in unfair and illegal election practices.

Officially sanctioned ballots in Platha only carry candidates from the Platha State Union or the Evil Enemy Party, a strange fact since the Evil Enemy Party appears to have no members and has never put up a candidate for any office. Further, issue and candidate advertising during the election cycle is restricted to segments approved by PTV, a television and radio station owned by the Platha State Union. PTV is the only broadcast medium available within state bounds, enforced by signal jamming equipment located on the periphery of the state. The titles of some such advertising include “Platha State Union and the Glory of Beets,” “Ideology and You: The Platha State Union,” and “The Evil Enemy Party Destroys Commerce, Souls, and Babies in the Service of the Great Capitalist Menace Next Door Bent on Control of the Proletariat for Its Own Nefarious Devices.” Neighboring state governors have complained about many of the broadcasts, which demonize and dehumanize their citizens.

Others have charged that Platha has denied the right to vote to many of its citizens through the practice of having only a single State-wide polling precinct open for fifteen minutes per year. An additional lawsuit is planned by the ACLU to challenge the Committee for Leadership’s decision to satisfy these complaints by installing the state-wide precinct within a dirigible instructed to land randomly throughout the state over the course of ten hours.

Despite the difficulties Plathans might face in choosing their representatives in the state’s quadricameral legislature, the ordinary people I was allowed to speak with: a high-tech computer man, an award winning author and novelist, and a conductor of a fast, efficient new train network; read from cards about how much they believe in Platha’s flourishing democracy.

“We believe in democracy, and nothing is brings freedom than tireless work of Platha State Union” read one young woman. “Never would I choose to leaving such a land of prosperity, freedom and accomplishment. I vote for progress provided by fair and just wisdom of Platha State Union.”