Brussels, Belgium, EU – As onlookers gawked and emotions ran high, officials could do little but shake their heads and wonder why.
“Why?” asked Transit Supervisor Daniel Daumhus. “Why would civilized people do so poor a job painting a bus?”
Though the government attempted to reassure the public, witnesses to the tragedy reported that the undercoating was unevenly thick. The Transit du Brussels logo had several words misspelled, while the newly installed tires made sounds like a bell. Rust protection was absent and there were clearly drip marks which showed that the paint had been globbed on in parts.
Ivak Bingson, acting head of the Walloon Independence Brigade, appeared in a video the
group brazenly made. On the terrorist’s website he made the bold claim taking credit for poor workmanship and all of the blame. Shaking with fury, he promised that the clumsiness would continue unless the government gave amnesty for Walloon parking tickets forgiving every last cent.
The bus attack was the fourth this month in Brussels alone. The first was the upside down hanging of a public telephone. An antique clock was dropped by members of the Walloon bar and the next week two newspapers were left on a subway car. Only days prior to their attack on the bus, the WIB caused a city-wide fuss; unplugging no less than four Lite- Brites® and a soft drink vending machine under cover of night.
“These attacks will continue as long as the Belgian oppression continues to oppress us via its government intercession. Walloons forever!” Ivak boldly declared via an online webboard called Smurfs Ensnared. Moderators countered by requesting politely that future comments not depart from The Smurfs so lightly; episodes, characters, metaphysics,
distribution, art, fan-fic, or the Region 02 DVD of Season One rumoured to be in production.
Meanwhile the people of Brussels can only endure, never knowing when the next Walloon attack will leave them insecure. Commisar of the Police, Vaan Haar der Veer stated that “We [das Polizen] will remain will get our people clear. It is true, they will microwave taco shells in violation of the instructions on the package, causing much devastation. They may
place mediocre paintings in ugly frames, they might mix up the pieces of strangers’ board games, they may go to banks and attempt to cash several cheques made out for mere fractions of a euro cent. They’ll probably place spectacles upon the eyes of statues, they may even go to the Lost & Found and claim items they did not actually lose. But rest assured, we will finally stop the WIB and bring this terror to an end, that you will see.”
“I sure do hope so,” said a small child, clutching a teddy bear.
