News of the World: Tiberium 2006

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While the BG Third Army Group has been destroyed and Madagascar liberated, the Good Guys experienced severe casualties in the hastily-planned Madagascar invasion: Operation Revolving Lion. GG Field Marshall Rupert Olive projects that it may take months of reinforcement before Allied forces are strong enough to embark on the next phase of the war. Operation Lucky Tricycle (the proposed triphibious assault on Sri Lanka) may be postponed until November. Olive stressed that future military plans were being divulged to the press to “scare the bejesus out of those suckers.”

The horrific Battle of Perinet cost the GG some 50,000 casualties and the Third KP Brigade was literally wiped out on the beachhead by well-positioned BG wolverine artillery. It seems that only through the actions of the courageous heroes of the Second Canadian Polar Bear Mounted Cavalry was victory snapped from the clenching thighs of defeat. In a brilliant pre-dawn attack, the “Mighty Whities” were able to storm the BG headquarters and capture General Arribicci’fong, who surrendered Madagascar to the Good Guys after only four days of fighting. His forces, already devastated by the indigenous blood sucking lemurs, were taken as prisoners of war. Many, being fed roasted cabbage for the first time since fighting began, expressed relief that they were only being tortured mildly.

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Madagascar Ho!: Soldiers from the United States Third Quarter Master Brigade deploy in the coastal lowlands of Madagascar. Helicopters are sometimes used by Army men, such as these Marines.
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Letters: Tiberium 2006

Written Correspondences From Good Natured Gentlemen Who Have Read Our Previous Installments and Wish to Comment on Some Aspects Thereof

Dear Axes & Alleys,

My name is Norm Jones and what you’ve done to me is the lowest of the low. Your stooge, H.G. Peterson, your so-called “the Poe of Esperia,” told an outright falsehood in his poem on the states. Me, Norm Jones, invented “that treat beaver pie” in Norway. IN NORWAY! Not in Algonqua. Beaver pie was invented by me, Norm Jones, in Norway. That bald-pated son of a bitch has something coming to him.

Yours truly,
Sam Thomas
MacGruder, AC

Several years ago, I had occasion to travel with Mr. David Condrake on his trip to British Columbia. We stayed in that lovely rest for the weary, Aunt Jessie’s B&B in Bridge Lake. The coffee was strong, the milk fresh, the salmon from the West Coast and the pepper imported. All my time there, I never once saw a mockingjay. We fished, saw the forest, many lakes and ate dinner with many fine people. We had a wonderful time. I just thought you might like to know.

Sincerely,
Mortimer Sneed
Forestville, CA
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