While the BG Third Army Group has been destroyed and Madagascar liberated, the Good Guys experienced severe casualties in the hastily-planned Madagascar invasion: Operation Revolving Lion. GG Field Marshall Rupert Olive projects that it may take months of reinforcement before Allied forces are strong enough to embark on the next phase of the war. Operation Lucky Tricycle (the proposed triphibious assault on Sri Lanka) may be postponed until November. Olive stressed that future military plans were being divulged to the press to “scare the bejesus out of those suckers.”

The horrific Battle of Perinet cost the GG some 50,000 casualties and the Third KP Brigade was literally wiped out on the beachhead by well-positioned BG wolverine artillery. It seems that only through the actions of the courageous heroes of the Second Canadian Polar Bear Mounted Cavalry was victory snapped from the clenching thighs of defeat. In a brilliant pre-dawn attack, the “Mighty Whities” were able to storm the BG headquarters and capture General Arribicci’fong, who surrendered Madagascar to the Good Guys after only four days of fighting. His forces, already devastated by the indigenous blood sucking lemurs, were taken as prisoners of war. Many, being fed roasted cabbage for the first time since fighting began, expressed relief that they were only being tortured mildly.

Madagascar Ho!: Soldiers from the United States Third Quarter Master Brigade deploy in the coastal lowlands of Madagascar. Helicopters are sometimes used by Army men, such as these Marines.

Before word had even reached the BG Pacific Command forward outpost in Phi Phi Don Island, the entire BG First Fleet Group set sail for the Indian Ocean to assist the beleaguered Madagascar forces. Before the ships had even reached the Andaman Sea, intrepid dolphins and special equatorial narwhals reported their movements and monitored the fleet. One narwhal, Checkers, was unfortunately dehorned, skinned and processed into canned meat by an enemy narwhal mine.

300 miles west of Mergui, the BG First Fleet Group was spotted on radar by the Sinonipponesian People’s Holy Imperial Missile Fleet, a collection of 15 new Gyotaku Class missile ships. Last Tuesday afternoon, the Second Battle of Andaman began as the PHIMF launched their deadly cruise missiles at the Bad Guy’s largest surface fleet. Official reports state that 286,003 cruise missiles quickly reduced the Bad Guy’s ships to a brand new artificial reef almost immediately colonized by corals of the Acropora genus.

After meeting with the Joint Chiefs of Staff, Secretary of Defense Nordstrom issued a statement in which he declared:

Once this is all over, I think people are going to look back and see that this month truly was the Turning Point in this great conflict. There have been times in the past couple of years where it looked as if we would never win and yet now the final and resolute victory is in sight.

While costly, Operation Revolving Lion has succeeded in liberating the people and blood-sucking lemurs of Madagascar and in destroying the Bad Guy’s strongest army. The majority of the Bad Guy surface fleet is gone and their naval power has been considerably diminished. All the while our forces and the forces of our Allies have grown stronger, more numerous and more powerful.

The final victory will come and it will come soon. To the Bad Guys, I say suck it. God be with us all.

As the Secretary’s voice came over the loudspeakers at Camp Foxtrot outside Anta Nana Rivo, a cheer went up from the assembled soldiers; men and women who have seen the worst that this war has to offer and who have only occasionally lost hope for that final victory.

Soldiers Beware: Other than bullets, shells, shrapnel and mines, blood sucking lemurs are a major danger to Allied forces deployed in Madagascar’s dense jungle bad-lands.

There were celebrations after Third Army Group’s surrender. Local children sang and corn chip stands reopened. The celebrations are over now and in the soldiers’ camps, night has fallen. And on a slightly chilly, partially clouded night things were silent on the Southern Front. It was as if the world sighed for a moment, a tranquil moment, a time of peace and reflection before the sound of gunfire fills the air again. Sergeant Tommy Lox, a tough but nimble Iowa canning specialist now soldier, offered a few of his thoughts “I just hope we get to go home for Christmas, we’ll do what we can to win this thing.”

Then a blood-sucking lemur dropped down from a near by tree and ripped Sergeant Lox’s face apart, chewing and clawing at the red pulp of Lox’s corpse. Then someone pulled it off and brained it with a shovel.