by H.G. Peterson

Is his most epic work yet, the world’s greatest poet H.G. Peterson brings you “A Sacrificial Tomato,” his look at at our nation, the United States of America.
Part I
Part II

Opened in the Land Rush of 1889
Oklahoma is known as home of the “Yield” sign
Born of Clinton Riggs, in Tulsa it was tested
For making autos yield, it’s never been bested

Oregon, Oregon is rainy, cold and bleak
You tire of the pine trees in about a week
Honestly, it’s boring, nothing to do or see
Next year I’ll go to summer camp in Tennessee

Pennsylvania is the birthplace of our mighty nation
Many years ago, they signed the Declaration
Gettysburg, the turning point in the Civil War
And Yuengling gives us lager, black-and-tans and more

Platha, the Iron State, is chock full of mountains
The capital, Pylon’s, well known for its fountains
Run by godless commies, the state bird’s the vulture
It is the only state without agriculture

Ponderada’s cows are the finest to be had
Yet their local peaches are flavorless and bad
“Providence is Golden” is Ponderada’s song
And their Chikchaw Canyon is narrow and quite long

Lone and dusty are the endless Pueblon trails
For inspiration Gilford’s Crater never fails
The Stallions tend to rule the U.S. soccer fields
Miners’ Concourse has got the highest bauxite yields

Oh, Rhode Island and the Providence Plantations
It’s the smallest state of any in the nation
Although it’s really teeny, you should not be phased
For in this state my old friend Pat Walsh, he was raised

The port of Charleston bustles with ships and boats
In sweet Columbia the legislature votes
Wacky Wayne’s has fire works of all shapes and kinds
SRS is where plutonium gets refined

South Dakota’s home of the Mount Rushmore faces
Type of thing that’s not seen in too many places
Washington, Jefferson, Roosevelt and Lincoln
Leave you awed and toward patriotic thoughts thinkin’

Home to Oak Ridge and Memphis and the music of Nashville
Tennessee has no Malaysians, import them they will
Known for its rivers, its mountains and ridges
Walking in its forests, you might pick up midges

Texas is bigger than Belgium or France
Its people wear only the best cowboy pants
Once a republic it was humbled with haste
In the Alamo Davy Crocket was made into paste

Home to some Mormons, the State of Utah
Each person there has a ma and a pa
Exporting fireflies is of utmost import
Appellate jurisdiction’s in the 10th District Court

Vermont’s like New Hampshire, except right side up
It’s main import is lasers and the occasional cup
Makers of syrup, they hire some dwarves
Along Lack Champlain there are numerous wharves

Home to ol’ T.J. and the tobacco what’s in ya’
Part of D.C. was made from Virginia
First of the colonies, it’s a large commonwealth
What it lacks in flamingoes it makes up for in stealth

Washington’s often confused with D.C.
The Columbia River flows straight to the sea
Once home to Boeing, makers of planes
Seattle’s the city where each day it rains

West Dakota is centered on the Paris of the Pines
Katharinetowne’s industry works overtime
Machinery of battle and the country’s best cloth
Made by decendants of one three-toed sloth

West Virginia was illegally created
By Abraham Lincoln whose blood-thirst wasn’t sated
That man hated freedom, and Lady Liberty
Suspender of habeas corpus, evil was he

I love Wisconsin and its fabled cheese
I can sleep with its women, they are loose and at ease
They’ll do you with gusto, they’ll do you with vim
They’ll never fail to let you put that penis right in

And last is Wyoming, as in all such things
It’s got several mines and produces much string
Wide and real empty, like the moons of Uranus
Its comedians are poor, but is squareness sustains us

We’ve counted the states from sixty to one
The Unites States’ are more grand than the Sun
You might burn up one of ‘em its citizens will fly
But the states of the Union are as stars in they sky

Award-winning author H.G. Peterson holds the world’s record for winning the Nobel Prize. He has won twice for Economics, four times for Literature, seventeen times for Chemistry, once for Physics, once for Medicine, eight times for Applied Radio-Zoology, once for Industry and thrice for Peace. With thirty-seven prizes under his belt he easily beats closest competitor, Tawny Kitaen, who only won twenty eight. H.G. Peterson also enjoys boating, novels and long walks on the beach. Currently, he resides in the Great State of New York (The Empire State) where he spends time with his children and his grandchildren and his illegitimate children. Currently,
he is considering a 2008 Presidential run.