Written Correspondences From Good Natured Gentlemen Who Have Read Our Previous Installments and Wish to Comment on Some Aspects Thereof
Dear Axes & Alleys,
My name is Norm Jones and what you’ve done to me is the lowest of the low. Your stooge, H.G. Peterson, your so-called “the Poe of Esperia,” told an outright falsehood in his poem on the states. Me, Norm Jones, invented “that treat beaver pie” in Norway. IN NORWAY! Not in Algonqua. Beaver pie was invented by me, Norm Jones, in Norway. That bald-pated son of a bitch has something coming to him.
Yours truly,
Sam Thomas
MacGruder, AC
Several years ago, I had occasion to travel with Mr. David Condrake on his trip to British Columbia. We stayed in that lovely rest for the weary, Aunt Jessie’s B&B in Bridge Lake. The coffee was strong, the milk fresh, the salmon from the West Coast and the pepper imported. All my time there, I never once saw a mockingjay. We fished, saw the forest, many lakes and ate dinner with many fine people. We had a wonderful time. I just thought you might like to know.
Sincerely,
Mortimer Sneed
Forestville, CA
To the Editors:
Regarding your facts about Canada (Volume 456-BR7, Issue 13), you may be interested in the fact that the Japanese Kimono has been appearing in covert installations among coves, along the
Southern Avalon Peninsula, in Newfoundland. There is some doubt about their authenticity since none has the traditional obi.
Regards,
Torrid Takemitsu
St. Schott’s, Newfoundland
Dear Fellow Staff,
I am increasingly upset that lately I’ve found many a fine Scandinavian band I enjoy. Why, in only the last few months I’ve discovered the Epo-555 from Denmark, Lab from Finland and The Sounds from Sweden. All that’s left, really, is an indie rock band from Norway. My concern is that, well, they almost never tour the U.S. for it’s as expensive for them to come to me as it is for me to go to them. I did get a very nice offer from the management of Goldenhorse not a week past, to be provided with music, beer, food and a pup tent on a beautiful beach in New Zealand. As they say in Spain, “Esto es necesariamente costoso para mí, también.” So, don’t be shocked if your pay is docked slightly in the future.
Cheers,
Jeremy Rosen
Photograph Consultant
Axes & Alleys
To The Editors,
You have not featured a single musical review since The Official Axes & Alleys Manda and the Marbles Special Supplement (The Official Axes & Alleys Manda and the Marbles Special Supplement, June 2004). As an avid reader, I can tell you you’ve only done two musical reviews in your entire history. I want more musical reviews.
All the best,
Jessicka Fodera
Los Angeles, CA
Dear A & A,
Ever notice that squeamish feeling inside when you tried to witness to certain people?
Sincerely,
Jack Chick
Ontario, CA
To Whom It May Concern,
I have tried several times to advertise with Axes & Alleys, but have been rebuffed each time. On behalf of our client, the makers of the Cereal-Caddy 9000, I would like to formally request that we be allowed to negotiate for advertising space in your magazine. We represent a fine product which takes all of the difficulty out of making cereal. For years people have exclaimed about making cereal that “there’s gotta be a better way!” There is and we would like to show it to your readers.
Sincerely,
Paul Zullo
Magenta Creative of Elizabethia