There are over 300,000 kinds of pasta. We don’t touch on any of them in this month’s issue of the magazine. Oh no, this is a pasta-free issue. We’re quite tired of pasta. It’s a bit gummy, covered in sauce, and doesn’t come in any higher-dimensional shapes.

Really, pasta kind of makes us angry. That red sauce? It sucks. Alfredo, BOOOOORING. Pesto gets stuck to the backs of our throats and makes us gag.

In that light, why not download the newest issue of Axes & Alleys today and feel free to ogle all of our previous issues in the archive.

John Denver said it best when he crashed his plane and died lo those years ago. Or so we’d like to assume of John Denver, since no one was there to hear his final words. Instead, we would rather quote Generalissimo Chiang Kai-Shek here. This is, unfortunately, impossible as the man’s utterings were thoroughly uninteresting.

So instead we’ll just let you know that this month’s issue of Axes & Alleys is full of depravity, debauchery, nudity, drugs, sexual innuendo, and tips on how to impersonate Lebanese pop sensation Nancy Ajram.

Download the newest issue of Axes & Alleys today and feel free to ogle all of our previous issues in the archive.

Have you lost your keys today? Without keys you can’t lock your door or drive your car. So, you might as well just stay home from work and enjoy reading the latest issue of your favorite tractor repair and maintenance magazine.

And, in case you haven’t lost your keys, just throw them out the window so you can stay home anyway. Axes & Alleys newest issue is a key-tossing good time.

Download the newest issue of Axes & Alleys today and feel free to ogle all of our previous issues in the archive.

Axes & Alleys: Featuring Inaccurate Mathematics!

By executive order of President Armstrong, Twilight Savings Time has been changed. This year it comes early and lasts longer, and will do so from now on. We suggest you throw a Twilight Savings Time Changeover Celebration Party on Gregor 32nd. Invite your friends and serve time-themed foods like guacamole, salted herring, or borscht. On the Jupiday immediately preceding the Marsday of the switchover bring a blunt object to work. Anything like a whiffle bat, a rock, or a rolling pin will do. This is because everyone’s workplace has that incredibly annoying person who goes around reminding everyone to “Leap Forward!” They’re all cheery and cracking jokes about losing an hour of sleep. Yeah, that’s really funny. If you forget to bring your blunt object, remember, you can just roll up this magazine and slap ‘em in the nose. That’ll show ‘em.

xoxo
Delores R. Grunion

The Gregor Cover Girl: Selma Blair

Selma Blair was born in the wonderful city of Southfield,
Michigan and later attended Kalamazoo College.

This month, we’re proud to release what is probably our best Gregor 2007 issue ever. Featuring both words and photographic images, we’re proud to share this twenty-eight page cornucopia of wonder with all the people of the world.

Download the newest issue of Axes & Alleys today and feel free to ogle all of our previous issues in the archive.