Axes & Alleys: Featuring Inaccurate Mathematics!

By executive order of President Armstrong, Twilight Savings Time has been changed. This year it comes early and lasts longer, and will do so from now on. We suggest you throw a Twilight Savings Time Changeover Celebration Party on Gregor 32nd. Invite your friends and serve time-themed foods like guacamole, salted herring, or borscht. On the Jupiday immediately preceding the Marsday of the switchover bring a blunt object to work. Anything like a whiffle bat, a rock, or a rolling pin will do. This is because everyone’s workplace has that incredibly annoying person who goes around reminding everyone to “Leap Forward!” They’re all cheery and cracking jokes about losing an hour of sleep. Yeah, that’s really funny. If you forget to bring your blunt object, remember, you can just roll up this magazine and slap ‘em in the nose. That’ll show ‘em.

xoxo
Delores R. Grunion

The Gregor Cover Girl: Selma Blair

Selma Blair was born in the wonderful city of Southfield,
Michigan and later attended Kalamazoo College.