From the Authors of the Declaration of Independence!

If there is one thing to which Axes & Alleys is committed, it is getting our job done each and every month, on-time and regardless of difficulties presented by fate. We know that many of you are nervous, queasy, uneasy, anxious and agitated over the events of the past few weeks. Indeed, the past fortnight has affected the production schedule of this publication in many ways. However, you now hold in your hand the latest issue!

Obviously the entire staff, except for Lilly, has worked diligently to get this magazine to you. And we’ll keep doing it! No matter what may come, nor what may get destroyed, we will get Axes & Alleys to you. Civilization may pass into the beyond and our religious institutions may perish, and you’ve got the personal promise of one Delores R. Grunion that Axes & Alleys will keep coming to you. We may have to publish in strange materials. We may distribute a little more using pack animals and bicycles. But one thing can be sure for you in the coming tribulations: Axes & Alleys.

This Issue is Scratch and Sniff! (Czech Republic Edition Only)

The year 2004 A.D. has been remarkable. Throughout this year we have seen monumental changes in politics, religion, economics, and agricultural machinery. While there are many naysayers out there who fear these changes, we at Axes & Alleys welcome this new world and urge our readers to do likewise.

Sure, there have been many widespread rare isolated incidents of cyborg attacks on ordinary citizens, and of cyborg-controlled farm machinery running amuck, but these occurrences, while ever increasing in their frequency and deadliness, are generally on the decline. Truly there is nothing to fear from these fearsome human-computer hybrids and the destruction they bring. Many thought the light bulb would lead to moral decay, yet here we are living every hour under the illumination of these wondrous tungsten-filled orbs.

Without a doubt, the most exciting news of 2004 was the development and release of implant technology from Movable Type Printing, Axes & Alleys’ parent company. From now on, you good readers, need not be burdened with cumbersome pages, ink and covers. With just a quick bit of surgery you can now have a chip installed in your brain that will allow you to read Axes and Alleys online from the comfort of your own head. Just drop us a line if you’re interested.

Yeah, it sure has been an exciting year. Can’t wait to see what 2005 will bring our way.

Ta ta for now.
Delores R. Grunion

Axes & Alleys : Riding the Tricycle of Freedom All the Way Home!

Dear Readers,
This issue of your beloved Axes & Alleys is lovingly dedicated to the Children of the Eighties. Truly you have made pop-culture your own. Yours is Star Wars, yours is Charles in Charge , yours is The Smurfs , Punky Brewster , Saved by the Bell and everything in between. Our blessings unto you, oh noble ones.

Axes & Alleys:
The World’s Greatest Tractor Related
Magazine. Now Featuring Tractors!

A Special Tractor Related Issue!

Axes & Alleys has received numerous letters over the years, which we often publish. Recently, a disturbing spate of letters decrying Axes & Alleys’ move away from tractor-related phenomena. This flow of negative energy has increased proportionally with the number of such issues published.

As Axes & Alleys’ new Editor-In-Chief and former cover girl, I vow to address these issues. While we will continue to publish content of various natures for the foreseeable future, we have decided to bring you, our readers, a special treat.

This month’s issue will be solely related to tractors, tractor history, tractor maintenance and tractor repair. Each subsequent issue will not follow this format, however we offer you this special, collector’s edition, full black and white spread.

Axes & Alleys’ readership and advertising sales have grown 2138% and twenty-fold respectively in the past year. Many of our readers are no longer interested in tractor repair and maintenance, as evidenced by the past seven letters sections. Furthermore, a growing number of our employees are drawn from non-tractorial fields. Axes & Alleys’ is only a magazine without its employees.

This issue is also new in that it is sponsored by AgroFarm™, a Daniel Bester, Inc. Company™. We felt a special issue required a special offer, so we brought AgroFarm™ into the fold with this one.

In addition to the normal journalistic content, you will find a special, subscribers-only extra. In addition to two unique covers, each magazine will also include a sample of AgroFarm™’s space-engineered microfertilizer or instructions on how to build your own nuclear powered farm or a genetically modified tuber from AgroFarm™’s parent company, NuLife, which can withstand the effects of aging.

xxx ooo

Delores R. Grunion

Axes & Alleys: No Longer Available in Finland as Dictated by the Papacy

A Special Commemorative Issue

Celebrating Fifty Years of Underpants

While we here at Axes and Alleys normally shy away from specialized issues and other cheap tricks, we have recently realized that such tricks do actually enable us to sell more issues. Hence our new policy of putting photographs of nearly nude women on our cover. And hence this, a specialized commemorative issue.

Of course, we will never fail to bring you the best in tractor repair and maintenance information, but now all our up-to-date, highly informative, tractor-related articles will also feature flashy graphics, big colorful ads and lots of pictures of scantily clad women.

Welcome to the new era for Axes & Alleys and join us as we celebrate 50 Years of wonderful underpants. Cheers.