Introduction: Haduary 2007

Fox 5 News Rockstar Anne Craig

Here at Axes & Alleys, we understand that there were nine great inventions that truly changed the world; gunpowder, movable type printing, the stirrup, writing, the steam engine, agriculture, digital encoding, the compass, and smelting. And, of course, all of these inventions were created for one reason: to impress girls.

Of course, there’s one girl that definitely deserves to be impressed and that girl is none other than Ms. Anne Craig. Each morning, she spreads cheer through her job and we, the Axes & Alleys editorial staff, think that people should try to invent new things to impress Anne Craig.

Think of what humanity could create; flying cars, jet packs, laser blasters, spaceships, a cure for cancer, robots and what not. There would be so many benefits to humanity if our current would-be Thomas Edisons would get off their collective asses and start trying to impress Anne Craig. C’mon, inventors, let’s get cracking.

xxx ooo

Delores R. Grunion
Editor-in-Chief

The Haduary Cover Girl: Kate Winslet

Kate Winslet

Like all good Americans, the lovely Kate Winslet is a British Actress.

Haduary Issue Premiere

John Denver said it best when he crashed his plane and died lo those years ago. Or so we’d like to assume of John Denver, since no one was there to hear his final words. Instead, we would rather quote Generalissimo Chiang Kai-Shek here. This is, unfortunately, impossible as the man’s utterings were thoroughly uninteresting.

So instead we’ll just let you know that this month’s issue of Axes & Alleys is full of depravity, debauchery, nudity, drugs, sexual innuendo, and tips on how to impersonate Lebanese pop sensation Nancy Ajram.

Download the newest issue of Axes & Alleys today and feel free to ogle all of our previous issues in the archive.

Terrorists Hold Axes & Alleys Hostage

Nutria Terrorist

For the last six weeks the Axes & Alleys offices have been under the control of the Nutria Independence Brigade. Unable to communicate with the outside world without interference, the entire staff has attempted to get word of our predicament out several times, but to no avail. Each time, a watchful, beret-wearing nutria was able to intercept and garble those messages.

I am pleased to announce that WE ARE FREE! The creative department’s DJ Trickyfingers lived up to his name and managed to get ahold of the office staple gun from the storage closet yesterday. Risking his spinning arm, Trickyfingers took out each one of our captors. From the head nutria, who will make an excellent paper weight, to the nutria who mistook our copy machine for a human being, Trickyfingers introduced each to an ignoble end.

We’re still attempting to find production editors Scott Birdseye and Jeremy Rosen, who both seem to have disappeared in the first minutes of the hostage crisis. If you have any information at all on their whereabouts, please let us know. There is a $25 reward.

xoxo

Delores R. Grunion, Editor-In-Chief

Introduction: Fabuly 2007

Axes & Alleys: Printed with 100% Boar-Free Inks

highway

Here at Axes & Alleys we receive many letters asking us what we think of transportation. It’s about time we answered and let the world know that we do, in fact, think of transportation. Be it by donkey cart or supertankers, things can be moved from one place to another via the method of transport. Why, even this magazine was transported from our production plant to your local store, thanks, in great part, to transportation. So, truck or train, ship or plane, wagon or duck with small satchels strapped to it, transportation happens and so we’re devoting this issue to all things involving transportation. Do enjoy.

xxx ooo
Delores R. Grunion
Editor-in-Chief

The Fabuly Cover Girl: Alyson Hannigan
Alyson Hannigan
Alyson Hannigan played Evil Willow and Regular Willow on the critically acclaimed televisual program “How I Met Your Mother.”

Fabuly Issue Premier

Have you lost your keys today? Without keys you can’t lock your door or drive your car. So, you might as well just stay home from work and enjoy reading the latest issue of your favorite tractor repair and maintenance magazine.

And, in case you haven’t lost your keys, just throw them out the window so you can stay home anyway. Axes & Alleys newest issue is a key-tossing good time.

Download the newest issue of Axes & Alleys today and feel free to ogle all of our previous issues in the archive.