How Airplanes Work

biplane

Everyone loves airplanes, but now you can learn how these wonderous craft cruise through the various skies.

An A&A Scienconomy Report:
On the Nature of Aeroplane-Craft

By Ulf Goltschleer, resident scienconomist and inventor of the two-way telescope

Although the Zeppelin Brand Rigid-Frame Air Ships remain the most popular form of atmospheric perambulation, aeroplane-craft are becoming more and more frequent, specifically for their use in the storming of barns and barn-like structures. Many of the public, however, do not understand the physical principles upon which these craft operate. This article shall correct that error.

PART I
The Fuselage

The fuselage is the main part of the aeroplane. Generally tubular in shape, the fuselage contains the main and auxiliary lighter-than-air bladders, as well as, in some cases, a luggage compartment. Luggage is heavier than air, unless passengers bring helium with them

PART II
Lift

Lift is generated by the wing, which uses the aerofoil concept. An aerofoil is a curved wedge shape. When air hits the aerofoil friction heats up the air around the wing, meaning the now heated air molecules move faster around the wing than normal air. As faster air begins to surround the wing it generates lift, as all air is slowly trying to get to space in order to fill up the low-pressure vacuum. Faster air moves up to space more quickly, taking the wing and the aeroplane with it. Wing flaps, located on the wings, cool the air to let the plane land, just like when you blow on hot soup to cool it off.

PART III
Aeroplane Engines

Jet engines are essentially streamlined versions of a car engine. Notice the smoke coming out of the back of a car’s exhaust? That is the same thing as when you see a jet leave a contrail across the sky. Exhaust is generated because an engine is not burning fuel efficiently. Exhaust is just left-over fuel that didn’t burn well. Car engines are very efficient and have just a little exhaust, hence why cars go only about 35mph. Jet engines are horribly inefficient and can go over 400mph, nearly three times faster than your average automobile.

A Special Interview with the King of Norway!

by Air Marshall Sir William Douglas Hayes’…

…neighbor Tim.

Air Marshall Sir William Douglas Hayes

His Royal Majesty, King Hladir VI of the House of Uum

King Hladir of Norway ascended to the throne of Norway in 1978 and has since been a very fair and popular monarch; not the sort of mad, drunken, obese partying, fornicating monarch you expect to rule in, say, England. The other day I sat down with Hladir at the local Starbucks for a couple of delicious Superchococinoes and had a pretty good talk with him. He’s a really cool guy and I like him a lot.

TIM: So, how’s it going?

HLADIR: Hvorfor?

TIM: I said, how’s it going?

HLADIR: Angre på, ne prate English.

TIM: What?

HLADIR: Just kidding, I speak perfect English. After all, I am Head of State of a major Scandinavian nation.

TIM: Oh, that’s pretty good there, Hladir.

HLADIR: Please refer to me as Your Royal Norwegian Majesty.

TIM: Sorry, Y. R. N. M., so what’s-

HLADIR: Don’t abbreviate it, say the whole thing: Your Royal Norwegian Majesty.

TIM: No.

HLADIR: Masovnarbeider!

After that Hladir stormed out, but I think the experience was good and I had fun. Norway is cool!


Tim is currently a sophomore at East Falls Community College, where he hopes to earn his Associates Degree in Travel Agent Technologies.

Vol. 456-BR6 Issue 17

Welcome to Issue 17! Inside you’ll find all your favorites, plus monotremes, aeroplanes, and our Eugenic Plea.

A Special Dedication

This Month’s Issue is Cordially Dedicated to the
Memory of our Beloved Friend, Hero and
Brother Doctor Rodger Griswald Surrey
Poet, Author, Explorer, Theosophist,
Mathematician, Dreamer, Philosopher, and
Collector of Rare and Unusual Monkey and Ape
Skeletons.

A Man of Wisdom and Worldly Prowess.
Taken from this Mortal Coil far too soon as he
was consumed by the living fire during a freak
Hover Craft accident.

We will remember him in our hearts as he sits in
the Purgatory, suffering for his sins as he awaits
a vacancy in Heaven.

Rodger Griswald Surrey
(1892-2003)