Category Archives: Bloggers

Writing from our regular staff writers.

Ghosts

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An Exploration of Physics

Ghosts

Is there really life after death or have people merely invented ghosts as a way to explain hallucinations in a way that provides hope for the continuation of existence beyond the grave?

There are a few problems with the idea of ghosts as they’ve been presented. Often the evidence comes down to a few strange photographs or eyewitness accounts, although some paranormal investigators have used advanced technology to attempt the verification of hauntings. This technology raises an important issue; if technology can detect ghosts, then ghosts should be a part of the realm of science, that is to say they can be proven or disproven using the scientific method.

So here we will attempt to see how science can cast light on the issue of ghosts. For starters, there is ghost photography. There are thousands of supposed photographs of ghosts of floating around this world. There’s a major problems with these photographs, and that is photons. As far as these photographs are concerned, there’s a common assumption that the camera can capture things that the human eye just can’t see.
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H.G. Peterson: The World’s Greatest Poet

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Peterson
H.G. Peterson is the world’s greatest living poet. His work “The Fall of Prague” is the official poem of the NASCAR racing circuit.

“Tawdry Lemons Parked Inside”

On planet Earth you’ll find a teeming cornucopia
Stuff like bats, cars and trains, that Thomas Moore’s Utopia

Trees, dolphins, meringue pie. Tasty Bavarian nurses
The buildings, art, soda- oh yes, those poetic verses

Several ways these things will break. They you will never mend
Our little Sun’s nuclear cycle, someday comes to end

That shiny outer atmosphere will redden and expand
Our planet’s seas boiling, steam and death roam ‘cross the land

As for other inner planets: Mercury, Venus, Mars
Like the filth they are they’ll disappear in our closest star

Our lovely, blue, little planet that we have grown to trust
Will become just a bunch of flaming debris, ash and dust

Ev’rything we know and love will forever cease to be
Pyramids, Napoleon, the great game of Clue and bees

No record of your first kiss, no one to eat cold ice cream
The Universe will soon forget each last man named Kareem

Don’t fret and don’t worry, it’s all going to be all right
One day our world she’ll be destroyed by supernova light

Keep in your mind this fact, this truth, so that you’ll know it’s not
The end of this world of ours, when your parents find your pot

Some Simple Steps

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You Can Take to Ensure That People Will Leave You Alone

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  • Wear hats, excessively, ten or more at a time. Strap extra hats to your elbows for emergencies.
  • Use a cell phone in public, hold long, detailed personal conversations about your various sexual deviancies, and talk only in Sign Language.
  • Wear one outfit, ever. Never wash it, never change it, and make it entirely out of teddy bears.
  • Invent your own gender, not a simple combination of the of the existing two. Invent your own social customs, clothing styles and secondary sexual characteristics.
  • Collect Scrabble™ games, on video, at the tournaments. Watch nothing but these tapes when guests come over.
  • Eat only tomatoes, from a bucket, that you carry around with you at all times.
  • Go ahead and assume that anyone who talks to you is trying to hit on you. Never play hard to get.
  • Write a guide book for cock fighting referees. Talk incessantly about the whistle chapter. Always make mention of your thorough index.
  • Use only one means of transportation; a tricycle, but with a ski for a front wheel.
  • Shave off all your hair, all of it. Collect it in little baggies and give them to anyone who tries to talk to you. Suggest a donation.
  • Spend as much time as you can singing, your own songs, that you write about macaroni, sing them with a bullhorn.
  • Bathe in gravy, in the park.
  • If you have to fly, buy an extra seat for your wolverines, that you keep in a pillow case.
  • Pay for everything in nickels. Cut them into fifths for correct change.
  • Get a job in a slaughterhouse, take your work home with you, on the train.
  • Cut “Peanuts” comics out of the newspaper, place them in your tefillin. Tell the Rabbi that you’ve converted to “Ultra-Reform.”
  • Should anyone attempt to speak to you at a bar or restaurant, even the waiter, begin explaining the Bosporus to them. Have literature and visual aids ready.
  • Spread rooster feathers in front of your path when you walk down the sidewalk.
  • Wear sunglasses, at night, on your feet.
  • Stuff your mouth full of olives, as many as you can, then attempt to eat your dinner.

Blue Prize Winner!

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It’s that time of year again, time to bust out the old pie charts, poster boards and bread mold. Since everyone in your class will be mucking about with mouse mazes, magnets and plants, we are happy to offer you some Science Fair Projects that’ll guarantee you the blue ribbon and the A plus.

Elementary School Level:
1. See which tastes better; bacon or dog food. What about window cleaner? Is bleach tastier than paint? See how many things around your house you can eat or drink. You’d be surprised how many there are!

2. Biology can be a rich subject. Did you know that pet stores sell mice for only twenty five cents each? Why not buy five dollars worth and see how much force it takes to kill them. Try nails, hammers, bricks or even a blender or microwave oven. Isn’t biology fun?

3. Mop and pop sure have a lot of pills in that there medicine cabinet. See what happens when you force feed them to your younger brother or sister. Neat huh?
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