It’s that time of year again, time to bust out the old pie charts, poster boards and bread mold. Since everyone in your class will be mucking about with mouse mazes, magnets and plants, we are happy to offer you some Science Fair Projects that’ll guarantee you the blue ribbon and the A plus.

Elementary School Level:
1. See which tastes better; bacon or dog food. What about window cleaner? Is bleach tastier than paint? See how many things around your house you can eat or drink. You’d be surprised how many there are!

2. Biology can be a rich subject. Did you know that pet stores sell mice for only twenty five cents each? Why not buy five dollars worth and see how much force it takes to kill them. Try nails, hammers, bricks or even a blender or microwave oven. Isn’t biology fun?

3. Mop and pop sure have a lot of pills in that there medicine cabinet. See what happens when you force feed them to your younger brother or sister. Neat huh?

Junior High School Level:
1. Heroin, cocaine and ecstasy all act on the brain in different ways, yet all are addictive. Here’s the key to this extra-special science project; take all three drugs many times everyday over the course of several weeks and see which one you get addicted to first. You think it’d be heroin, right? Well, try it and just maybe the results will surprise you.

2. Inside and outside are different, especially in regards to wind currents and air pressure. Try shooting a rifle in your yard and then inside your house and see how the different environments affect your accuracy. Try it in different places outside and in different rooms inside. Just keep shooting all the time and you’ll be amazed at how much you learn.

3. How fast can you run? Do you think boys are faster than girls or is it the other way around? Have races across a well defined area, like a major highway. See if you can run faster at night or in the day. See if light colored clothing during the day makes you faster than dark clothing at night. Just keep running back and forth across the highway and remember to write down the results. And by the way, I’d bet girls run faster.

High School Level:
1. How do metal detectors work? How much metal does it take to set if off? Go to your local airport and try it. See which items will set it off: nail clippers, knives, razor blades, pistols, rifles or ammunition. See if you can get through the metal detector with explosives like dynamite, C4 or homemade fertilizer bombs. How do these different things react to x-rays and magnetic fields?

2. There are many different brands of prophylactic condoms. To see which works best try all the different brands in different situations like in a pool, a hot tub and in various bodily orifices. Do they work better than not using a condom? Try as many different ways as you can and see how good condoms really are at preventing disease and pregnancy.

3. The workings of the brain are still a mystery to science. For instance, Phantom limb pain is a little understood phenomenon. Have a friend chop off your arms and legs with a chainsaw, band-saw or butcher knife. See how phantom limb pain effects the right side versus the left or arms versus legs. Pay a black market surgeon to remove the right half of your brain. Does that effect the phantom limb pain of the left side? Just remember to track all your results and remember that Science Fair judges always go for pie charts.