Join in the Adventure and explore the world’s treasures.
An Invitation to Adventurers
It may come as a surprise to many in our readership, but there are many treasures in the world today which have yet to be stolen from the mud-hewn savages of the brown skinned areas of the world and placed in museums of great import in mighty cities of Western Europe (excluding Spain) and The United States.
Thus, as a guide for Archeologicians of all parts of the Christian World, we hereby present a catologuization of relics and rarities awaiting placement in the display collections and storage spaces of British and American Museatoriums.
Each item is worth Five “points.” The person or team who first collects items totaling one hundred points wins a special prize.
1. audio or visual recording of a bum saying “silver dollar sized nipples”
2. diplomatic license plate
3. doorman’s hat
4. square bagel with everything
5. Lorne Michaels’ business card
6. Chancellor of Schools personal stationary
7. Simpsons’ “Comic Book Guy” action figure, in the package, autographed by an employee of the store Forbidden Planet
8. World Trade Center poster from any city Fire Department, double points if it says “All Gave Some, Some Gave All”
9. Mayor Bloomberg’s discarded coffee cup, signed by either the Mayor or any former Mayor or the currently standing Secretary General of the United Nations or by the Deputy Mayor
10. “Do Not Lean on Door” poster from the Grand Central/Times Square Shuttle train
Einstein was a busboy
11. name sign from Moby’s door buzzer
12. actual pot from an actual drug dealer in Washington Square Park
13. pen from sign-in sheet at Riker’s Island, double points for the actual sheet
14. velvet rope
15. photograph of yourself holding up an NYU flag in any class building at Columbia University
16. second-hand prosthetic limb
17. braille menu from LeTusse Restaurant
18. roll of toilet paper from a bathroom at the United Nations
19. photograph or video recording of a Transit Authority cop holding up a photograph of Soviet Dictator Joseph Stalin
20. piece of schist
21. candle from a cathedral
22. lost dog poster written in any non-English language
23. box of Kraft Macaroni and Cheese with Korean packaging
And may we say, a hearty Bon Chance to all would be expeditions. Remember, always bring along extra gurkhas. They die like flies.