Tokyo, Japan– It seems somehow fitting that a war involving millions of soldiers battling across five continents should end with a simple gunfight outside a Tokyo nightclub and noodle house. With less than hundred shots fired between thirty police and eight of F’a Dommen’s elite Vermillion Guard, the Bad Guy supreme commander was captured, finally ending the war.
F’a Dommen had been on the run for nine days after fleeing in the aftermath of the Battle of Rangoon. The devious Bad Guy Commander was able to hijack a BL-104 “Floating Mushroom” Tactical Hot Air balloon, which he rode to safety. Landing in Taipei with eight of his Vermillion Guards, F’a Dommen snuck into Japan via a submersible watercraft and holed up in the Happy Garden Hotel and Noodle House. There, he set about planning his next move, but little did he realize that his time was nearly up.
Last Saturday night, F’a Dommen was betrayed when one of his elite body guards attempted to purchase a pair of Japanese school girl’s used underpants. Apparently he offered the clerk fifty crime cash, unaware that the underpants vendor only accepted crime yen (the official illegal Sinonipponesian currency). Official police reports state that there was a confrontation and the Vermillion Guard officer killed the underpants salesman and escaped with 60,000 crime yen and several soiled pairs of white cotton, size “S,” string bikini styled underpants.
Police gave chase immediately and eventually cornered the soldier as he attempted to meet up with his compatriots in the Mighty Glowing Robot Disco and Noodle House night club. The ensuing gun battle left three police and six Bad Guys dead and at 1:34 AM local time, Honorable Police Force Captain Ozawa Ichi announced that F’a Dommen had been captured, ending a world-wide manhunt.
Currently, the Bad Guys are being held in the Tokyo Prefecture Maximum Security Prison and Noodle House, awaiting extradition to The Hague for trial. F’a Dommen did issue a statement, written with green crayon as he is not allowed anything sharp. In it he vowed to escape and promised:
“You have not seen the last of the Bad Guys. You think you won the war, but you have not and we will never be defeated. There’s still our secret under-ground base in Antartica and you’ll never find, much less capture, the Bad Guy Drome and you don’t even know the location of the hidden Bad Guy Island. Know that I am Bad Guy Commander Arja F’a Dommen and I will have my revenge.”
Using satellite recon, the Good Guy Army was able to locate the Antartic base and neutralize it. Only hours later the “Bad Guy Island,” otherwise known as Manhattan, was found and the Bad Guy Drome in Tribeca was located and captured. The death ray that F’a Dommen had threatened to destroy Singapore with turned out to be a simple flashlight hooked up to a car battery. Fire department sources indicated that, even with the extra power, the flashlight posed no danger.
