A Noted Diatribe by Respected Columnist
Eliza Roark

John Cantor is Welder-in-Residence at the Connecticut Society for Welding. Ms. Cantor has extensive experience in both arc and static welding and also likes men who own their own orange groves.

What on Earth is wrong with the PTA? Every single time I read about the PTA I hear about some new atrocity they’ve committed. For instance, a while back there were the stories, albeit urban legends but stories nonetheless, about how a few members of the PTA lured some wayward boys, gang members, and bicycle enthusiasts to a remote cabin deep in the forgotten Hallmet Woodlands. Once inside the cabin, so the stories go, the PTA members attached electrodes to their victims’ genitals and then proceeded to poke them with heavily sharpened sticks.
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