Willinoisopolis, WL– With little fanfare and a bit of trepidation, many residents of Iowa (IA), Missouri (MO) and Nebraska (NE) woke up today as proud Willinoisans (WN). Temporarily dubbed the “Round State,” Willinois is the first completely circular state of the Union, and the second state to be created out of three other states.
Unfortunately the construction of the new capital city, Contumacious, is lagging several weeks behind schedule as the delivery of 3600 cobalt-plated crow statuettes has yet to arrive from Cobalt, Ontario. The crow was the only state symbol agreed upon during Willinois’ raucous constitutional convention last Spring.
One statuette is to be placed in front of the working residence of each of Willinois’ representatives to the state’s Althing. This hold up has caused problems because, due to some behind the scenes horse-trading, it was mandated in the state constitution that construction of Contumacious’ sewage system and police headquarters could not commence until the crows were put in place.
Due to the delay, statehood day celebrations took place in the town of Rock Point, formerly part of Northwestern Missouri. There had been some anxiety at the unveiling of the new ethnic dance of Willinois, the Funky Silkworm. The dance is loosely based on the jovial and humorous “The Worm” dance so enjoyed by hip hop aficionados for over twenty years. While there is absolutely no real tradition of hip hop in any part of the state, the Funky Silkworm was met with overwhelming approval.
The Willinois’ version of the National Guard, the Willinois Omniprotectional Multivector Patrol, marched proudly in the parade wearing their crisp, recent-issue, armored combat coveralls and adorned with one of the new state’s greatest exports, chameleon polymer body paint. Children enjoyed watching as bits of the soldiers’ bodies appeared and disappeared in the glittering sunlight. Some of the children giggled while others enjoyed ice cream.
