Category Archives: Scott Birdseye

An Exclusive Interview with TV and Film Star Mary-Kate or Ashley Olsen (We’re not exactly sure which one)

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Recently, I took the opportunity to have a discussion with actress Mary Kate, or perhaps actress Ashley, Olsen. Stars of Full House, New York Minute and The Olsen Twins Ride Again, the twins have become major celebrities; stalked by the paparazzi, seen on countless shows and interviewed by countless publications. Hence, I decided that my interview was going to be different. Here we are going to strip away the layers of media creation and look into the soul of a real person struggling with real problems. Of course, I’m still not exactly sure which Olsen twin it was, but I think we all gained some valuable insight into this woman’s soul. Continue reading →

Halloween Costume Ideas for the Ladies

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Everyone loves a good excuse to dress up all slutty. Halloween’s as good an excuse as any, I guess. Of course, there are many problems with the usual sexy costumes.

honeybee

Take for instance the sexy bee costume in the above picture. The reproductive life of the common European honeybee Apis mellifera is such that only a small portion of a hive population is involved in the mating act. The vast majority of bees are non-reproducing workers. Why would a worker need to look sexy? It can’t mate and hence does not need to display its sexual characteristics. Most awful is the fact that the sexy bee costume seems designed to accent the woman’s breasts. This is utterly silly; bees do not have mammary glands. So few people put thought into their costumes.

Sexy pirates, cops, firemen, gun molls, witches, vampires, and nurses are clichéd and hackneyed at best. This Halloween, as you celebrate the convergence of the netherworld with our plane of existence, why not try one of these sexy costumes:

  • Architect
  • Chairperson
  • Records Clerk
  • Human Resources Director
  • City Planner
  • Zoning Comission Member
  • Event Coordinator
  • Merchandising Associate
  • MRI Technician
  • Copy Machine Repairperson
  • Congressional Aide
  • Press Spokesperson
  • News Anchor
  • Chartered Accountant
  • Driving Instructor
  • Gardener

And don’t forget that everyone loves a sexy Regional Development Coordinator or a slutty Information Technology Specialist.

Note: Watch out for razor blades in your trick-or-treat candy, and have a safe, fun Halloween.