Astronomers Announce Discovery of
10th-19th Planets!

Using a new system, which involved looking, astronomers have discovered 10 new planets in our Solar System. Ranging in size from 30 feet across to 120 light years across, the planets should find a happy home with our old favorites; Saturn and those other ones.

Different astronomers caution that we first must define what a “planet” is before classifying the new objects. Specifically they point to the “discovery” of the 19th planet, Andromeda, which had previously been classified as a galaxy. The same can also be said for planet Hubble, which until yesterday was generally considered to be a space telescope.

While these astronomical discoveries are creating great debate in the scientific community, the astrological community greeted the discoveries with glee. Sarah Tombaugh-Chagrin, horoscope writer for the Daily Seattle Bee Courier, has found that the new bodies make every one of her predictions for the last 15 years completely accurate, except for Taurus.

News of the announcement reached the Cistercian Order late in the day, prompting much debate amongst the order’s monks. It is known that Saint Benedict of Nursia was an avid amateur astronomer and such activity has been important to the Cistercians for years. Several monks in Applespiel, Elizabethia reportedly threw down their heavy photographic plates and proceeded outside to shake fists at the sky for several hours.