Written Correspondences from Good Natured Gentlemen Who Have Read Our Previous Installments and Wish to Comment on Some Aspects Thereof.

Dear Axes & Alleys,
There is a reoccurring phenomenon which continues to threaten the safety of the human race. This is the plague of alien abductions. So many people continually travel to the planet of Ghos Kento into the Ghosasu System for the purpose of taking aliens from their homes and doing experiments on them. What are we even supposed to learn from these abductions? Plucking aliens from their sleep platforms, taking them aboard our ships and cloacally probing them is a cruel practice. Axes & Alleys should bring light to this barbaric practice so that NASA will stop these alien abductions once and for all.
Lauren Van Der Hoos.
Movingon.org Dear

Axes & Alleys,
Your comics are cool.
Maddox
The Best Page in the Universe

Dear Editors,
I am writing to tell you that I am afraid of spiders. They really creep me out. That and the fact that the pizza place on my block recently closed down. It’s fine, because their pizza was only okay, it’s not the best in the world or anything. The quality went down after Gino died or retired or something. I’m not sure of the whole story. Man, I hate spiders. One time I saw a spider and I totally freaked. It was ugly and had too many legs. Anything with more than two legs is ugly, unless it has four legs like a horse or a dog, many dogs are good. I just don’t think that pizza place did a lot of business. That’s why it closed down. They were “in the red” as the phrase goes. They did have mini pizzas, which were good for a single serving, if you didn’t want a whole pizza. But their sauce was a little too sweet. Maybe they added sugar to it. It’s a moot point now because that place closed down, as stated above. God, I better not see any spiders in my house ever again. That’s not a prayer really, because I’m using the Lord’s name in vain, but it could work as a prayer. I would pray to God to rid the world of spiders. They are stupid and bite and are creepy. Is it any wonder people use spider decorations at Halloween? Because spiders are scary, that’s why. Spider decorations don’t scare me though, because they aren’t real spiders. I guess I’ll get my pizza somewhere else from now on.
Peter F. Vallone
City Councilman.
Astoria, NY.

Dear Sirs,
I am often surprised by yogurt.
Louie Ratchet
Frankfurt, Germany, EU

Dear Sirs and Madams,
I have repeatedly written my congresspersons concerning the issue of the three-wheeled car. Surely a three wheeled car would be safe and efficient. With 25% fewer wheels than the four wheeled car these three wheeled cars could save us money on rubber for tyres, air for tyres and gold for gold plated custom rims. I think this would be a grand idea. Your magazine spends far too much time showing hot pieces of T&A, aka Tail, aka Hot Totty, and far too little time expounding upon the good ideas I have. Please fix this.
Madeline Halitosis.
Treacle Canyon, New Highland.

Dear Axes & Axes,
Whosoever flush hammer is making noise. Please contact the super. Thank you.
Shaquir Gashi
Astoria, NY