Dear Members of the Public,

Daniel Bester Incorporated, the world’s leading industrial consortium, has recently come under fire from certain conspiracy-theory-minded special interests groups, amongst them the U.S. Department of Justice, the Securities and Exchange Commission, and the European Union’s Competition Commission. As unjust and unfounded as the accusations made by these few militant extremists are, and despite the fact that such ridiculous underhanded smear tactics warrant no true attention, we at Daniel Bester Inc. feel that it is our duty to let the members of our product-purchasing public know the truth. Truth is a word that these reactionary extremists do not like to hear, truth is their enemy and they seek to subjugate truth in order to advance their own political agendas. For the sake of the public though, Daniel Bester Inc. cannot allow this happen. Therefore, we must answer these charges so that the truth can be known, and so that these cowards who wrongly attack us with fear tactics, lawsuits, criminal charges and Acts of Congress can see that we are not afraid of them, and are willing to stand up to them for the sake of our public, and our public’s children.

Daniel Bester Inc. has, at no time, ever acted as the front organization for a secret shadow government, specifically not the Masters of the Illuminati.

Daniel Bester Inc. has never employed the Supreme Pontiff of the Roman Catholic Church in any official position. While he have great respect for His Holiness, we have never used that office as a tool to advance our corporate missions.

Daniel Bester Inc. has never engaged in any unlawful human cloning experiments. The only human cloning studies we have ever conducted were done in our laboratories in Sau Titlo, an island under the territorial jurisdiction of the Republic of Cosa Nostra, which has no laws regulating, much less outlawing human cloning.

Daniel Bester Inc. has never created artificial virus, biogens, viroids or prions in our laboratories. The creation of artificial organisms and paraorganisms is impossible. For instance, the virus known as TR-89 was not artificially created, rather it was formed by mutating segments of the polio virus, not by creating new paraorganisms from scratch.

We do not play God.

Daniel Bester Inc. was in no way responsible for the recent ousting of Esperian President Ghemel Rotory, nor in the restoration of the Epserian Monarchy. The fact that the newly restored King Simio IV offered our company a tax haven in Esperon as his first official act is entirely coincidental.

Daniel Bester Inc. has never engaged in official meetings with The Arcane, nor have we acted as or claimed to act as the official emissaries and representatives of humanity during said meetings. There is absolutely no truth to the claim that Daniel Bester Inc. engaged in trade activities with The Arcane, nor that Daniel Bester Inc. willingly and openly sold any people in exchange for advanced Arcane weapons technology. Nor is there any truth to the fanciful fiction that Daniel Bester Inc. has acted in concert with The Arcane to replace human political and religious leaders with android or automata replicons.

Daniel Bester Inc. has never engaged in illegal trading policies, insider trading, or artificial manipulation of stock, bond or commodities prices. We would certainly never threaten the life or limb of any member of the New York, London or Tokyo Stock Exchanges, nor members of their families for purely financial gain.

Daniel Bester Inc. has never and will never stockpile nuclear weapons or other weapons of mass or minimal destruction. Nor do we have any facilities in the Colorado mountains which are capable of deploying any such weapons. In is the avowed policy of Daniel Bester Inc. to never deploy or maintain use of “first strike” submarines or orbital weapons platforms.

We hope that this clears the air of rumor, speculation and accusations. And thank you from Daniel Bester Inc. This company has always striven to fight for truth, justice and other such things.

Chief Executive Officer

Daniel Bester

Board of Directors
C. Douglas Borden
Senator (D: Montsylvania)

H.G. Peterson
Poet, Author and Literary Figure

Captain Edward Mitchell
American Space Pioneer

Dave Handerson
Gardening Structural Engineering

Hector McGinty
Congressman (R: West Dakota)

Alan Guthman
Artist and Political Activist

Alice Buckman
Ornithology and Genetics Researcher

David Hewey
M.P. for North Sturrey

Sir William Douglas Hayes
Supreme Air Marshal of the
Royal American Air Corps

Dr. Chester Copperpot
Historian and Explorer

Major Hernando Baptiste Guiverianna
President for Life of the Democratic
Republic of Cosa Nostra

Emile Legartho
Esperanto Ambassador to the
United Nations

The Montsylvania College of Agricultural Technology Design Arts is a place where young minds can grow into slightly older minds in an enriching atmosphere of pure enriching enrichment.

At MCATDA we pride ourselves on our commitment to academic excellence, while at the same time allowing our students a plethora of activities, sports, and laundry facilities. Our campus includes the most modern technology available, including washers, dryers and ironing board areas.

Weather your looking for a career in science, art, scientific arts, or artistic sciences, MCATDA is the most best place to be wear you can get a degree in alot of exiting feilds to help you get a job with.

College is a time for learning. In order to facilitate this, we have devised our own special patented system of induced learning which you will only find here at the Montsylvanian College of Agricultural Technology Design Arts.

Each student is required to participate in a series of learning sessions which we call “Classes.” During the course of each of these “Classes,” an expert we have hired to profess their knowledge will stand in a room and speak for a period of time about the subject in which they are an expert.

Students will be required to remember the important parts of these speeches. to ensure that they remember, it is suggested that students bring a pencil or pen and paper to class to write down the gist of the expert’s speech.

From time to time, these experts will give the learners a paper, upon which are printed questions concerning the expert’s speeches. Learners will be rated according to how well they are able to provide the answer to these questions from memory.

Other learning-related activities will include having the learners read books related to the subjects upon which the experts profess their knowledge. The learners will be required to write their own collection of information based upon the information in the books.

After four years of these activities, the learners will receive a certificate of diplomacy and will be granted the honor of Bachelorhood. In order to participate in these activities, potential learners will be required to give the college a certain amount of monies. After said payment, learners will be given the choice of subjects upon which they want to base the majority of their learning.

Majors Available at MCATDA

Bernard Borden School of Science and Alchemy

• Radio-Zoology
• Arithmetic
• Histronomy
• Applied Metaphysics
• Cryonics
• Commuter Science
• Agricultural Psychology
• Imagineering
• Geo-mathematics
• Quantum Agriculture
• Astrogation
• Granulation Technology
• Hydro-genetic Engineering
• Vegetable Husbandry

Reverend Wolfpatty School of Divinity

• Theosophy
• Demonology
• Zen Judaism

Bester College of Belgian Studies

• Belgian Literature
• Belgian Children’s Literature

Borden (no relation) School of the Liberal Arts

• Amish Studies
• Voodoo Economics
• Sopwith Camel Studies
• Esperanto
• Noticing Things
• Political Alchemy
• Slavic Geology
• Hermaphrodite Studies
• Television Viewing
• Undead American Studies
• John Hollis (Lobot) Studies
• Philatelics
• Yodeling History
• Chronology
• Histrology
• Chinology
• Post-Classical Hermitics
• Journalistics

Delores P. Grunion School of Sports Science

• Aerial Croquet
• Aquatic Badminton

Jim Rosen School of Fine Arts

• Tim Conway Impersonation
• Cyborg Choreography
• Xerographic Arts
• Nude Fashion Design
• Arts and Crafts
• Theremin Performance
• Vest Making
• 5-D Design
• Rough Drafting

Joseph Stalin College of Professional Studies

• Arts and Crafts Administration
• Simian Administration
• Clam Repair/Maintenance
• Travel Agent Technology
• Pickling
• Bacon Festival Administration
• Pre-Custodial Studies
• Lobster Design

Horatio Nelson College of Medicine

• Bovine Gynecology
• Phrenology

At the Montsylvania College of Agricultural Technology Design Arts we don’t let the university experience stop at mere learning. We offer a wide variety of extra-curricular activities for every student, even those who are very boring.

Interested in music? There is our award winning musical group The Accordioneers. Now on their world-wide tour of Belgium and Iceland.

Here at the MCATDA we also offer many exciting sports including unicycle racing, free style unicycling, figure unicycling, and our intramural unicycling league. There is also a 43-Man Squamish Team.

Students can also do many exciting things like “surf” the interconnected network, play simulatory games, chat, work on projects and hang out in our brand new, state-of-the-art Computational Engine Laboratory, now featuring the new ENIAC systems.

So join Puffsto the Fighting Puffin, our beloved MCATDA mascot and become a part of the tradition of excellence and excitement that is Montsylvania College of Agricultural Technology Design Arts.

Montsylvania College of Agricultural Technology Design Arts Dean of Students Dr. Dave Soviet invites you to write us and receive even more informative information by mail.

for more information:

MCATDA Information Office
5116 Bunion Road Street Boulevard Suite 491,103,131,13
Bestoria, MV 991832
www.mcatda.edu