Tag Archives: Jeremy Rosen

Montsylvania College of Agricultural Technology Design Arts

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MCATDA
Graduates
Grunion
learning

The Montsylvania College of Agricultural Technology Design Arts is a place where young minds can grow into slightly older minds in an enriching atmosphere of pure enriching enrichment.

At MCATDA we pride ourselves on our commitment to academic excellence, while at the same time allowing our students a plethora of activities, sports, and laundry facilities. Our campus includes the most modern technology available, including washers, dryers and ironing board areas.

Happy Fun Guy

Weather your looking for a career in science, art, scientific arts, or artistic sciences, MCATDA is the most best place to be wear you can get a degree in alot of exiting feilds to help you get a job with.

College is a time for learning. In order to facilitate this, we have devised our own special patented system of induced learning which you will only find here at the Montsylvanian College of Agricultural Technology Design Arts.

Each student is required to participate in a series of learning sessions which we call “Classes.” During the course of each of these “Classes,” an expert we have hired to profess their knowledge will stand in a room and speak for a period of time about the subject in which they are an expert.

Students will be required to remember the important parts of these speeches. to ensure that they remember, it is suggested that students bring a pencil or pen and paper to class to write down the gist of the expert’s speech.

From time to time, these experts will give the learners a paper, upon which are printed questions concerning the expert’s speeches. Learners will be rated according to how well they are able to provide the answer to these questions from memory.

Other learning-related activities will include having the learners read books related to the subjects upon which the experts profess their knowledge. The learners will be required to write their own collection of information based upon the information in the books.

After four years of these activities, the learners will receive a certificate of diplomacy and will be granted the honor of Bachelorhood. In order to participate in these activities, potential learners will be required to give the college a certain amount of monies. After said payment, learners will be given the choice of subjects upon which they want to base the majority of their learning.

Majors Available at MCATDA

Bernard Borden School of Science and Alchemy

  • Radio-Zoology
  • Arithmetic
  • Histronomy
  • Applied Metaphysics
  • Cryonics
  • Commuter Science
  • Agricultural Psychology
  • Imagineering
  • Geo-mathematics
  • Quantum Agriculture
  • Astrogation
  • Granulation Technology
  • Hydro-genetic Engineering
  • Vegetable Husbandry

Reverend Wolfpatty School of Divinity

  • Theosophy
  • Demonology
  • Zen Judaism

Bester College of Belgian Studies

  • Belgian Literature
  • Belgian Children’s Literature

Borden (no relation) School of the Liberal Arts

  • Amish Studies
  • Voodoo Economics
  • Sopwith Camel Studies
  • Esperanto
  • Noticing Things
  • Political Alchemy
  • Slavic Geology
  • Hermaphrodite Studies
  • Television Viewing
  • Undead American Studies
  • John Hollis (Lobot) Studies
  • Philatelics
  • Yodeling History
  • Chronology
  • Histrology
  • Chinology
  • Post-Classical Hermitics
  • Journalistics

Delores P. Grunion School of Sports Science

  • Aerial Croquet
  • Aquatic Badminton

Jim Rosen School of Fine Arts

  • Tim Conway Impersonation
  • Cyborg Choreography
  • Xerographic Arts
  • Nude Fashion Design
  • Arts and Crafts
  • Theremin Performance
  • Vest Making
  • 5-D Design
  • Rough Drafting

Joseph Stalin College of Professional Studies

  • Arts and Crafts Administration
  • Simian Administration
  • Clam Repair/Maintenance
  • Travel Agent Technology
  • Pickling
  • Bacon Festival Administration
  • Pre-Custodial Studies
  • Lobster Design

Horatio Nelson College of Medicine

  • Bovine Gynecology
  • Phrenology

At the Montsylvania College of Agricultural Technology Design Arts we don’t let the university experience stop at mere learning. We offer a wide variety of extra-curricular activities for every student, even those who are very boring.

accordion
Interested in music? There is our award winning musical group The Accordioneers. Now on their world-wide tour of Belgium and Iceland.

football
Here at the MCATDA we also offer many exciting sports including unicycle racing, free style unicycling, figure unicycling, and our intramural unicycling league. There is also a 43-Man Squamish Team.

electrics
Students can also do many exciting things like “surf” the interconnected network, play simulatory games, chat, work on projects and hang out in our brand new, state-of-the-art Computational Engine Laboratory, now featuring the new ENIAC systems.

mascot unicycles
So join Puffsto the Fighting Puffin, our beloved MCATDA mascot and become a part of the tradition of excellence and excitement that is Montsylvania College of Agricultural Technology Design Arts.

library

Dave

Montsylvania College of Agricultural Technology Design Arts Dean of Students Dr. Dave Soviet invites you to write us and receive even more informative information by mail.

for more information:

MCATDA Information Office
5116 Bunion Road Street Boulevard Suite 491,103,131,13
Bestoria, MV 991832
www.mcatda.edu

H.G. Peterson’s “Bloody Stumps”

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Peterson
H.G. Peterson is the inventor of the dumbwaiter and an avid pugilist. Currently, he is a member of the Board of Directors of Daniel Bester, Inc.

Dancing on my bloody
stumps
Making squish, squish
squishy clumps
As puddles form upon the
hardwood floor

Happy as a dog in trash
As I hop and spin and
splash
Even though my bones are
kind of sore

Go ahead and do your thing
I’ll just jump around and
sing
As my calves are mushed to
bloody gore

Bloody Stumps

Gothchick Mayonnaise

Our Guide to Novenclature: Part I

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Illuminated Novenclature

radgerbadger, alt. radgerbadgery: (N): a continuous and boisterous bustle.

novenclature: (N) a collection of new or novel words.

centraenious: (adj.) of or about, pertaining to the meaning of life.

infaction: (N) the act or state of being the first to accomplish an insignificant task or deed.

infact: (V) to accomplish a task of a minor nature in the primal fashion within a particularly defined set.

Conjugation: I did infaect. I am infacta. I will infact. He infaect. He is infacto. He will infact. They infaect. They are infaecti. The will infact.

deulapainry: (N) of, about, or pertaining to sandwiches.

Xenosprimt: (N) An unknowable and uninvolved, mathematically minded creator of a cosmos, who takes no personal interest in the lives or feelings of the sentient beings or other entities which inhabit said cosmos. The “God” spoken of by a person who upholds the Deist philosophy.

parapheme: (V; reg.) the act of uttering a blasphemous expletive, the antecedent of which is rooted in a religion which the utterer does not follow.

bellamure: (V; reg.) the act of punching a hole through a wall.

bellamurequence: (N) a hole which has been punched through a wall.

crattera: (N) the sound of hot water running through radiator pipes in the early hours of the morning in an otherwise still abode.

enimachic: (adj.) having a speech pattern which resembles the sound of a locomotive engine.

chronocator: (N) one who must, by compulsatory motivation, continually check the time.

sonuate: (N) the sound resulting from the opening of a carbonated beverage.

palloralate: (V; reg.) to purse one’s lips whilst reading.

glutambulate: (V; reg.) to arrange one’s gluttal area so as to emit flatulence inconspicuously.

elapquipitory: (adj.) in the manner of baseless choosiness between two or more similar beverages.

flumpor: (N) the sound of smoking a cigarette.

flumpar: (V) to make obvious sounds while smoking a cigarette.
Conjugation: I flumparr. I am flump. I will flumpar. He flumparr. He is flump. He will flumpar. They flumparri. They are flumper. They will flumpar.

orninathix: (N) a specious or inane debate.

labeola: (V; reg.) the licking of a nipple in a sexual fashion.

aureolate: (V; reg.) the licking of a nipple in a non-sexual fashion.

macrofactor: (N) a person working in a menial capacity who attributes undue importance to themselves.

exoburban: (adj.) the portion of a territory on the periphery between urban and suburban, or between suburban and rural areas.

prophemism: (N) an expletive meaning exactly what it says. The antonym of euphemism.

aroundtothrough: (prep.) indicating a going around, to, and through something in a linear fashion.

capracious: (adj.) in a goatlike manner.

shoe: (V; reg.) to stick a finger in one’s own eye and scream.

sonambumate: (V; reg.) to fornicate while sleepwalking.

vestitry: (N) that which is related to the manufacture of vests or vest related material.

morpheavoiture: (N) a car which appears in a dream.

cannisaleatorornamentum: (N) a picture of dogs playing poker.

Entertainments for Learned Gentlemen

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A Philosophical Discourse
By Ludwig “Red” Sampers

Red Sampers

Position: Third Base
Career Average: .248
RBI: 125
HR: 27
YKFFPL: 0.
1901-1903 Poughkeepsie Pirates
1903-1908 Norfolk Mariners
1909-1919 Staten Island Jackhawks
1920-1922 Salt Lake City Plaid Stockings

Now, a funny thing about the Universe, is that within it there are many separate entities which in themselves function as entities, and that when extrapolated become no more a part of themselves than a part of the whole. Well now, that didn’t make any sense. Okay, you see, the Universe, is composed of five elements, or entities, not to be confused with the dimensions, of which there are twenty six , or possible ten, or maybe five, something along those lines, I’m not entirely sure. Wait, I’m diverging a bit. Okay, five elements, and these are matter, energy, time, space and entropy. Now, I know you’re saying that time doesn’t exist. Well, it doesn’t, except below the fourth dimension, but anyway, time of course is a figment of the imagination and exists only in the minds of the lower creatures as a means of perceiving the flow of entropy. So, nix on time then, so there are really four elements, matter, energy, space and entropy.

Now, space is also a bit of a problem, because as we all know that the Universe can be condensed into a singularity, at which point space would be compacted into a non-spatial dimension, the zero dimension, or a singularity, you know, a point with no dimensions. Now, if you expand the Universe from a non dimension point it grows to fill said area, however the very essence of space was compacted within the singularity, so what then does the Universe expand into? Nothing. Therefore, space is nothing, and cannot exist.

So, we have three elements left, matter, energy, and entropy. Now, without a space to exist within, matter and energy cannot exist, which means we are left with only one part, which is entropy. And, since entropy is the change and motion of matter and energy, it cannot exist, since neither matter nor energy exist, since they don’t have anywhere to be. Where does that leave us then? The Universe has no elements, since time, space, matter, energy, and entropy cannot exist logically. Hence, since the Universe has no elements, then it has no existence. Therefore, young students, if you wish to know the nature of the Universe, then here is your answer: nothing. The Universe doesn’t exist, can’t exist, and has never existed.

vests