Entertainments for Learned Gentlemen

A Philosophical Discourse
By Ludwig “Red” Sampers

Red Sampers

Position: Third Base
Career Average: .248
RBI: 125
HR: 27
1901-1903 Poughkeepsie Pirates
1903-1908 Norfolk Mariners
1909-1919 Staten Island Jackhawks
1920-1922 Salt Lake City Plaid Stockings

Now, a funny thing about the Universe, is that within it there are many separate entities which in themselves function as entities, and that when extrapolated become no more a part of themselves than a part of the whole. Well now, that didn’t make any sense. Okay, you see, the Universe, is composed of five elements, or entities, not to be confused with the dimensions, of which there are twenty six , or possible ten, or maybe five, something along those lines, I’m not entirely sure. Wait, I’m diverging a bit. Okay, five elements, and these are matter, energy, time, space and entropy. Now, I know you’re saying that time doesn’t exist. Well, it doesn’t, except below the fourth dimension, but anyway, time of course is a figment of the imagination and exists only in the minds of the lower creatures as a means of perceiving the flow of entropy. So, nix on time then, so there are really four elements, matter, energy, space and entropy.

Now, space is also a bit of a problem, because as we all know that the Universe can be condensed into a singularity, at which point space would be compacted into a non-spatial dimension, the zero dimension, or a singularity, you know, a point with no dimensions. Now, if you expand the Universe from a non dimension point it grows to fill said area, however the very essence of space was compacted within the singularity, so what then does the Universe expand into? Nothing. Therefore, space is nothing, and cannot exist.

So, we have three elements left, matter, energy, and entropy. Now, without a space to exist within, matter and energy cannot exist, which means we are left with only one part, which is entropy. And, since entropy is the change and motion of matter and energy, it cannot exist, since neither matter nor energy exist, since they don’t have anywhere to be. Where does that leave us then? The Universe has no elements, since time, space, matter, energy, and entropy cannot exist logically. Hence, since the Universe has no elements, then it has no existence. Therefore, young students, if you wish to know the nature of the Universe, then here is your answer: nothing. The Universe doesn’t exist, can’t exist, and has never existed.


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