A Harrowing Look at Mustaches

Across this world of ours a great many people have been taken in by the hypnotizing mustache menace. Little do they realize how dangerous mustaches can be. From the delicately queer handlebar of Salvador Dali, to the little brush muff of Charlie Chaplain, mustaches pose an ever greater threat to human kind each day.

We are quite familiar with the mustachioed villains of the past. Their pictures stand before us in books which feature pictures and as we stare at their horrid visages we cannot help but shudder at the mustachioed monstrosities before us.

There is a serious link between mustaches and evil. This fact cannot be disputed. With the help of special Theoretical Historio-Reconstructionists, we now present you with an alternate history of the world; the history of the world free from mustaches and their vileness. These famous mustachioed rogues have now been replaced by friendlier, clean-shaven versions.

Remember, the next time you see a man with a mustache run away, run quickly and don’t look back lest their facial hair consume you with its wickedness.