The Mapril Issue Online Premier

An independent panel of Swedish truck driving instructors has declared that Axes & Alleys’ Mapril issue is the best one ever. They probably said this because it contains such wonderful contents as a Spaceship Built by Ants, a few interesting anecdotes about Jimmy the Leper, Katie Stalin’s trip to the Grand Canyon, Faith DaBrooke’s thoughts on procrastination, plus all your favorites like Montezuma, Classifieds and Stickers, Stickers, Stickers.

Download the best ever issue of Axes & Alleys today and feel free to ogle all of our previous issues in the archive.

Our Guide to Novenclature: Part III

Newly Formulated Words to Describe the Previously Indescribable

Illuminated Novenclature

Misingenious (n): One who, by accident, routinely tells lies to the wrong person.

Sibrate (v. regular): The act of emitting a hissing sound through the lips in a failed attempt at whistling.

Visent (n): A blank, or unemotional, expression used in the playing of poker.

Rotacussion (n): A drum beat which resembles the sound of a motor or engine, specifically that of a rotary wing aircraft.

Chimley (adj.): Pertaining to or resembling an old, battered, useless kite.

Lunution (n): The exact month within which a republic or democracy is transformed into an empire via the actions of a powerful individual politician.

Tyle (v. regular): To urinate while sitting down.

Gathe (n): The smell of burnt hair. Gæthic (adj.): That which has a smell resembling burnt hair.

Senthadure (n): A basketball game wherein both competing teams’ scores require the use of a three digit number to be tallied.

Anicathate (v. he anithates, she anithates, they anithate / he anithated, she anithated, they anicathed / he anican, she anicana, they will anicathatia): The act of a Vice Admiral opening a car door for a Rear Admiral on a Tuesday afternoon.

Bant (n): An accumulation of bottle caps in a trash receptacle.

Thereout (prep.): Used to distinguish an object which is near two conversers and an object which is more distance from the two observers.

Sogria (n): The warm burning sensation which accompanies and immediately follows the consumption of intoxicating liquors.

Tympasogria (n): The similar sensation manifested in the blood vessels and tissues of the outer ear.

Litholeazation (n): The slowly dawning realization that an object one believed was a rock is actually a dirt clod.

Orlumate (v. regular): The act of placing one’s mouth around the end of a flashlight in order to allow the light to create an orange glow while passing through the translucent flesh of the cheeks.

Wrist (v. regular): To mutter a non-sensible phrase to oneself while in deep thought, or while ruminating on a subject or memory of great personal importance.

Dubniumesque (adj.): Pertaining to, related to, or identified with atomic element number 105.

Carusiohnipistle (n): A correspondence which is written in order to terminate a romantic relationship.

Oot (v. regular): The act of grasping another person’s leg, thigh or knee as a sign of sexual attraction.

Aldarss (n): An exclamation uttered while watching a Zeppelin burst into flames.

Coulromal (n): A sad or clinically depressed clown.

Jaep (v. regular): The act of reading a collection of new words off of a website.

Read More Nomenclature!
Read Even More Nomenclature!

Volume 456-BR8: Issue 03: Pentember 2007

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Axes & Alleys:
And the World of Tomorrow!

Dear Readers, Listeners and Lookers,
You might not know it, but each and every issue of the world’s greatest tractor related magazine, Axes & Alleys, is printed in many different formats. There are over two-hundred and eight different languages (209 to be exact) as well as picture-only versions for the illiterate. Believe it or not, there is even an online version in PDF form that doesn’t exist; it’s all just 1s and 0s inside of computers.

Be sure to enjoy this issue, and maybe even check out the handcopied Monastic edition, the Islamic edition which features very few pictures of the prophet Muhammad, the Chinese version which you have to read backwards, or the Dutch-Stereotype version which comes with a tulip and wooden clogs.

Whichever version of this fine publication you happen to be reading, be sure to enjoy it and the wonderful tractor-related information contained therein.
xxx ooo
Delores R. Grunion
Editor-in-Chief

Pentember Cover-Girl Eva Green

Eva Green appeared as Vesper Lynd
in the good version of Ian Flemming’s
Casino Royale.She is much
better looking than either Ian Flemming or
Cubby Broccoli.

Maine Issue Premiere

Once again, the month of Maine is upon us; good ol’ Maine with its foosball championships, cranberry festivals and lovely sprautumn foliage.

And once again another New Year is upon us; this the two thousand and eighth year since the little-existent year naught and the fifteenth year since the utter and complete defeat of Marx’s plague, that pesky little ideology known as Communism. And what better way to celebrate the defeat of Communism than by enjoying a rowdy game of foosball and an a new issue of your favorite tractor repair and maintenance magazine.

Download the Maine Issue, and celebrate freedom and democracy!