Letters: January 2006

Written Correspondences from Good Natured Gentlemen Who Have Read Our Previous Installments and Wish to Comment on Some Aspects Thereof

Dear Axes and Alleys,

Why do so many of your magazines contain articles on dairy and meat in the same issue? I’d love to read your fine publication, but so many of your issues are utterly treif. Why not put out a special milchik issue? Far too often your magazine is just written by a bunch of useless momzers and paskudniaks. Try to be more poretz in the future and remember the six thirteen.

Stan Stevenson
Baltimore, Rhode Island.
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Classifieds: December 2005

FOR RENT
A container. Guess what kind of container and you could rent it. 5 closest guesses win an entry in my “Rent the Container” drawing, to be held on August 12, 2005.
John Champlin, 35 Rodster Way

OPEN HOUSE
One Main St. I left the door open because I forgot my keys one day. Feel free to stop by. I have beverages and some board games (many pieces missing). It could be a good time.
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“Granite Comes Through It”

By H.G. Peterson

H.G. Peterson

Though our appliances are just machines
That don’t have blood and don’t metabolize
I will often wonder if they have dreams
Do they hope and think and philosophize?

Granted it comes from plans and not from genes
But the oven laughs when the toaster cries
Blender, tormentor, scares by any means
While the stoic wall clock watches and sighs

My air conditioner just yells and screams
And the can opener still tells me lies
It says it is the Lord Mayor of Rheims
The fridge can’t sing opera, but it still tries

Doc said he could fix the situation
If I’d kindly take my medication