A container. Guess what kind of container and you could rent it. 5 closest guesses win an entry in my “Rent the Container” drawing, to be held on August 12, 2005.
John Champlin, 35 Rodster Way
One Main St. I left the door open because I forgot my keys one day. Feel free to stop by. I have beverages and some board games (many pieces missing). It could be a good time.
Dropkick Murphys to play wake. Please only apply if you are the Dropkick Murphys of Boston.
Counter-espionage agent for secret operations inside the United States.
Contact Bob Polens, Supervisor at the U.S. Department of Education.
Need man to be rook in giant human chessboard. Diagonally moving people only.
Record album of Albanians screaming. Very unpleasant.
Box 201, Swedenstan
Wonderous smell, must be somewhere between wet bracken and camels in scent. I’m desperate.
Traglo Perfume Company, Hobben, NJ.
Do you have an infectious skin disease? If so, please let us take a sample tissue, we need it for an exciting new part of the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. Details to be announced later.
Contact Himey at Box 402.
Søren Kierkegaard’s right arm. Used only slightly. Comes with jar of fermaldihyde and scientifically acurate label. Great fun for parties. €1.99 or best offer.
Gracy at firstname.lastname@example.org
The Apocalypse. It can be yours for a reasonable price. Whether you prefer nuclear war, asteroid impact or a virulent disease, the end of the world can be yours.
Several robotic mimes for bank job in Holland. Must be profficiant in Japansese language and customs. Contact Albert at Albert and Cousins Funeral Home and Pancake House.
Apples. I sure love apples.
One hundred and twenty eight million pounds of duck feathers. I need them to complete my master-work.
Chairman Mao II. Bejing, China, Box 01.
Human kindneys for extra-special kidney pie to be served to Pope, Mick Jagger and other VIPs. Kidney must come from Asian virgin, female a must.
Ducky at 81711.
One cubic parsec full of turnips. Don’t ask how I got so many turnips, just ask how you can get them at a low low price. Just drop Xeblebot a line and he’ll tell you all you need to know.
One hundred and eight replicas of Nelson’s Column made of Munster cheese. Free photograph of Selma Blair feeding a lemur included.
Tony Blair, 10 Downing St. London, SW 1.
Lightning and thunder storm needed to bring my unholy creation to life.
Dr. V. F. Buddledorf, Germany.
Used coffee. Some hammer damage. $4.00 per kilogram.
Call Antonia at 6244-2021.
One image of Great Beast for use in Jerusalem Temple. Must be made to speak in order to sway the masses to follow Satan.
Call Antichrist Preparation Action League for full details.
Westen Half of Universe.
God at email@example.com