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Author Archives: Delores Grunion
Master Brand
Classifieds: Tiberium 2006
FOR SALE
Slightly used basket for lowering lotion into pit. B. Bill, West VA.
FOR SALE
Mutated tomato plant for use as night light. 5,000 lumens. Joey, 530-2816. Ask for Joey.
WANTED
Homemade mailbox cover, preferably burlap or velvet. Must be IBM compatible. Ronda, Box 234.
FOR SALE
Six hundred and two Gideon Bibles stolen from Best Midwestern hotel chain. $2 each or best off. Silas McGurney, Room 4, The Pentagon.
POSITION AVAILABLE
Sparkle Boy needed to stand in corridor for eight hour workday. Must be able to stand still while holding sparklers. 125K per year, plus company car. 5-10 exp. Necessary. Fax resume to DB Inc.
Human Resources.
FOR SALE
Incredibly realistic reproduction of fried chicken dinner. Potatoes, rolls and coleslaw included. All made of wood. Call Delia, 628-1873.
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Jupiter
How to Do It: Tiberium 2006
With LeMuel LeBratt
Featuring Permanent Guest Host Marcia Spatzelberg
by Special Guest Columnist Dave Titlebaum
In this month’s How to Do It, we’ll tell you an easy and simple way to steal the Kabbah Stone, the black meteorite in Mecca which is considered seriously holy to many Muslims. Now, how they consider a rock holy when they have tons of rules in Sharia against idolatry is beyond me, but it should be a fun thing to do on a rainy Saturday afternoon.
