Author Archives: Delores Grunion

The March of Progress: Vespril 2006

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Sydon, WD: While it now sits silently on its railgun launch assembly surrounded by miles of empty wasteland, sources close to Asterstar’s leading engineers claim the new private space shuttle could be ready to launch in as little as two weeks.

The three new shuttles; Explorer, Winnifred and Avenger are far more advanced than their NASA counterparts, the nearly 30 year old space shuttles. Asterstar’s shuttles feature digital computers, two-way radio communication, automated ventilation and a propensity not to disintegrate into atrocious fireballs upon launch or reentry.

This is a great leap forward since NASA’s shuttles still rely on hand cranks, pulleys, steam and candles. While impressive, NASA’s use of the largest team of mules ever assembled to haul the aged space plane from its storage facility to the shuttle assembly area is a woefully outdated concept.
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Letters: Vespril 2006

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Dear Axes & Alleys,
Yesterday, as I glanced through the New York City Police Auxiliary Hand-book, I came upon a section concerning self-defense. It featured instructions for officers; detailing how to break holds and maneuver out of an assailant’s grip. It occurred to me that it would make more sense to coat all police officers in a thick coat of oil or gelatin, either by dipping or by shower-type systems. Thus police would be too slippery for assailants to grab We can even have a series of way stations throughout the city where police officers can dunk under gelatin showers to refresh their slippery coatings. Perhaps Axes & Alleys could champion this idea so we can help stamp out crime forever.
Theory Ragdoll
Staten Island, NY

A&A,
Damn.
Juliet
London, UK

Dear Editors:
It is a shame that with all the new Amendments passed not one addressed he issue of robotic citizenship. Robots are fine helpers, both around the house and on industrial supply lines. Surely a robot with a 500 gig or more processor would have the power to understand the complex issues of our day. I mean, if we give women, the Irish and even Catholics the vote, we should support robot suffrage.
Almond Pepperidge
Tallahassee Tennessee
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