Interesting Bits for Learned Gentlemen

Rommel Best Looking WWII Leader

At their annual summit last month, the Ancient Guild of World Historians released new findings which indicated that German Field Marshal Erwin “The Desert Fox” Rommel was by far the most handsome military leader of the Second World War.

Not only, the Historians say, was Rommel tall, strong and striking in his full Field Marshal uniform, but he had the piercing eyes of a poet; at once soulful and powerful. Other parts of the release referred to the Marshal as “dreamy, keen and stoic in very cool way.” Although Rommel was unable to defeat Patton and Montgomery in North Africa nor overcome the Allies in the Battle of the Bulge, he looked so beautiful when the sunlight hit his long eyelashes, giving them a glittery appearance. Also noted were his well built arms, strong legs and firm buttocks, all well accentuated by the crisp lines of his always well maintained and resplendent uniform.

Historian (Second Order of the Griffin) Doctor Hubert Van Tuyll stated “Many of the generals of World War II were down right homely; Montgomery was a skinny little man with a big nose and beady eyes, while Omar Bradley just looked like a potato with glasses. Without a doubt, Rommel is by far the most handsome of the lot.”

American General and future president Eisenhower was generally given second place, although historians were quick to note that his was a more boyish look, while Rommel had a much more manly handsomeness. The Historians did note, however, that most of the leaders of the Second World War were older, often grizzled men, the really attractive people during that time were the young soldiers; ruddy and tanned barrel-chested young lads fresh from muscle-building farm labor and crisp and striking in their new uniforms.

General Ranking:

Most Handsome:
Erwin Rommel (Germany)
Dwight David Eisenhower (United States)
Ozawa Jisaburo (Japan)
Douglas MacArthur (United States)
Georgi Zhukov (Soviet Union)

Least Handsome:
Omar Bradley (United States)
Benito Mussilini (Italy)
Nikita Kruschev (Soviet Union)
Henrich Himmler (Germany)
Charles De Gaulle (France)

A Special News Sectionomial

BILLIONAIRE BUILDS BIG BOHEMOTH!

Reclusive billionaire Daniel Bester unveils the “Pine Swine” the worlds
largest wooden tractor at its construction site.

Himmitsboro, PD– After years of speculation and millions of euros in government funds, Daniel Bester Inc. finally debuted The Pine Swine, a tractor of Biblical proportions, which, we are told, was hand designed by Mr. Daniel Bester himself using only a ruler and a #2 (HB) pencil.

At twenty stories high and three hundred feet long, the Pine Swine, the world’s largest land tractor, is by far the world’s largest land tractor.

While many in the construction and tractoronomy industries are doubtful about the usefulness of a tractor that requires a crew of seven hundred and eighty six stout men to operate, Daniel Bester Inc. spokesman Flip Sweetly stated that “this project represents the greatest human agricultural achievement since the invention of the bean. Without a doubt, it makes all other tractors appear small by comparison.”

Sources close to Elizibethian Senator Judita Yammersling, Chair of the Senate’s Farm Equipment Committee, claim that the Senate approved funding for the Pine Swine Project due to recent reports of a “Tractor-Gap.” Only last year Soviet scientists unveiled “Kryntchnyrna” a tractor of near-epic proportions which was, at the time, the largest tractor in the world, surpassing the largest Western tractor by three eighths of a furlong.

While many are critical of the idea of unchecked global proliferation of the so-called “Super-Tractors,” most are simply awed by the shear plowing capability of this newest modern marvel of man-made machinery. The Pine Swine can plow 1 million deci-acres of farmland, or roughly an area the size of the State of Montsylvania, in only 2 days.

Although The Pine Swine is not the first nuclear powered tractor, it is the first to use a cold-fusion reactor, rather than an older styled fissionable mass reactor.

Either way, the Pine Swine will no doubt be remembered as
being one of the largest wooden tractors of all time.

A Quizzation of Historical Factuals

How knowledgeable are you on the nature of events which have preceded the current state of world affairs? Attempt to answer the following queries and remember that it is not honorable to read the answers before first taking the test.

Napoleon Bonaparte

  1. Where did the Defenestration of Prague take place?
  2. When was the War of 1812 fought?
  3. How long did the Thirty Years War last?
  4. Where were the Nuremberg Trials held?
  5. For whom is the city of Stalingrad named?
  6. Between which two nations was the Russo-Japanese War fought?
  7. Where was the Treaty of Versailles (1919) signed?
  8. What was the capital of the Empire of Rome?
  9. Who declared the Papal Bull of Innocent III?
  10. Where was the Battle of Waterloo?

Click more for the answer key. NO CHEATING! Continue reading

The Life of U.S. President Horace B. Borden (1811 – 1903)

President Horace B. Borden

Not many Americans are familiar with President Horace B. Borden. You will find no monuments to him nestled upon the Potomac, nor does his face grace a postage stamp or piece of currency, but his wise policy and incorruptible tenacity of personal conviction led the Union through the troubling times of the Crisis of 1883 and through the harrowing times of the Turko-Bolivian War, a time when Ottoman excursions into Latin America threatened to undermine the Monroe Doctrine and spell peril for American economic interests in the region. Born in a rustic cabin on the shores of the Chapaqueedahadic River, which wound its way through the rich forests of the Appalachian foothills of the North West Territory, Horace Benjamin Borden was raised outside of what would eventually become the city of Peregrine, Montsylvania. Continue reading

Documentus Illuminati Part IV

An In-Depth Exploration of the History of our World (the Earth).

Dollar

The Current Masters of the Illuminati

Biscotti
Lucianno Biscotti

Dave
Dave Aroumond

Midge
Sir Camdon Midge

Clatterhorn
Brezny Van Clatterhorn

Across the galaxy there is a massive political, military and religious order known only as The Arcane. On Earth, little is known of The Arcane except that they are descendants of the beings who originally built the Universe. They value a power source known as Gnossis; an energy which holds together all matter and is generated by certain rare species, among them Human Beings.

Many thousands of years ago Humans were very powerful, due to the fact that we could generate our own Biognossis. The people of that time had the power to violate socalled “laws of physics,” an ability intrinsic to those beings who can harness the power of Gnossis. The Humans were giants, 10 feet tall. They could fly, move about between different areas simultaneously, turn invisible and manifest all manner of psychic abilities. They were ruled by a theocratic sect called the High Priests of Nephellium.

In roughly 20,000 B.C. The Arcane came to Earth and forged a corrupt pact with the High Priests of Nephellium. The Arcane would be allowed to construct a Machine in the core of the Earth which would drain the naturally produced Gnossis from the Humans. In exchange, the Priests of Nephellium would be given residence on Mars, free from the Machine, where they could live forever while retaining their natural powers. On the plains of Mars, The Arcane constructed a vast beautiful city full of wealth and riches and surrounded it by an atmospheric dome. The city was christened Cydonia.

Cydonia
Cydonia: Ancient Wonder.

The Arcane brought in the Gribbish, a diminutive, dwarf-like, slave race from a distant world. The Gribbish were forced to dwell in the core of the Earth as troglodytes, maintaining the Machine for generation after generation. To oversee the entire operation, The Arcane built themselves an administrative base on Molad (the planet between Mars and Jupiter) where The Arcane Governors would dwell.

The Humans still on Earth, unbeknownst to them, were sapped of their powers as the Machine drained their lifepower from them over the years. The Machine absorbed their Gnossis, leaving them to provide star-crushing power to the War Machines of The Arcane. On Cydonia, the High Priests of Nephellium remained unaffected in their role as underlords of the new Earth system.

Cydonia
Cydonia: Modern Ruins.

This system functioned flawlessly for thousands upon thousands of years until around the year 4000 B.C. when Jemus, an Arcane Overlord from the far side of the Universe, rebelled in an attempt to take control of The Arcane and their system of Gnossis-Gathering Machines spread across the Cosmos. In the year 4004 B.C. a Jeman army landed on Earth and gathered together a select group of the enslaved Humans. These individuals were told about The Arcane and their corrupt pact with the Priests of Nephellium. The Jemans taught the Human leaders mathematics, science, writing and other forms of learning. The Jemans also gave unto the Humans an incredibly powerful weapon called The Key; a device which will, when the time is at hand, enable the Humans to destroy the Machine and free Humanity forever. Fearing that The Arcane would find The Key, the Humans disassembled it and hid the three pieces in the remote corners of the world, awaiting the time when Jemus would come to Earth to save Humanity.

After imparting knowledge and giving The Key, the Jemans departed to continue their war against The Arcane. Unfortunately, within a few years the Jemans were defeated in the war and cast out of The Arcane Construct forever. After the war Jemus himself went into hiding, vowing to return again and defeat The Arcane once and for all.

Jemus
Arcane Overlord Jemus (artist’s concept).

On Earth the Human leaders, full of new knowledge, formed a sacred group, The Masters of the Illuminati, and created a singular world government centered in the mighty city of Atlantis. There they began using Jeman technology to build a fleet of airships which served as flying battle platforms. They also began to construct a gigantic laser ray of massive power.

In only a short time, the monitoring stations of Cydonia enabled the Priests of Nephellium to discover the advances being made by the Illuminati. The Priests launched an attack on the Illuminati airbase on the Nazca Plain and scored a victory by destroying the shining Human city of Tiahuanaco.

gribbish
Gribbish work deep in the Earth’s core.

In response, the Illuminati massed its forces in the plains of Perse and began to prepare for a counter-attack. They were caught unprepared, however, when the Nephellium descended upon them with fury. In the ensuing battle, the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah were reduced to radioactive ash and the Illuminati?s armies were forced to retreat back into the safety of the stronghold of Atlantis. As the Nephellium moved in to encircle the City of Atlantis, the Illuminati launched a desperate all out counter-attack. Though the attack decimated the city, the Nephellium were repulsed and driven back to Cydonia with the armies of the Illuminati in pursuit. In a cataclysmic event, Cydonia was destroyed utterly and the Illuminati executed many of the Nephellium.

Nephellium
The Sigil of the Order of Nephellium

But, as the Atlantians reveled in victory, The Arcane Governors prepared to launch a bomb towards Atlantis. Jeman sympathizers, however, sabotaged the bomb and it failed to detonate, allowing the Atlantians time to utilize their death ray. The first blast destroyed Molad completely, leaving it only as a scattered asteroid belt between the orbits of Mars and Jupiter. The few survivors of Molad fled back to The Arcane Construct who, for reasons yet unknown, have not yet attempted to take back control of Earth.

Satan
Skull of Lucifer, last of the Nephellium

Most probably this is because their insidious Machine continues to function fully, enslaving Humankind with the manacles of physical laws and providing Gnossis to power the weapons and worlds of The Arcane despite the Illuminati?s attempts to destroy the Machine and free Humanity.

Back on Earth Lucifer, believed to be the last of the Nephellium, used a secret weapon to destroy Atlantis, which sank beneath the waves of the North Atlantic forever. The few Masters of the Illuminati fled to the Secret Island of Reme, where the city of Reme had been founded earlier by Remus, brother of Rome?s founder Romulus. On the Hidden Isle of Reme, the Masters of the Illuminati set up a clandestine government over Humankind, using hidden means to control Earth?s civilization to guide it towards an eventual future when Earth can unite, destroy the Machine and free themselves from The Arcane forever.

Not a Map

Look Forward to Further Installments!

Part VII– An Arcane spaceship crashes in Siberia in 1908 A.D. and allows the Russian Communists access to powerful technology, prompting the USSR to break away from the Illuminati and set up their own Order of Lenin as a prelude to an attempt to take over the World and the Galaxy. Two World Wars ensue.

Part VIII– When a Jeman ship lands at Roswell, New Mexico in 1947, the United States discovers the secrets of Cydonia and begins a program to eventually send troops to Mars to try and discover the lost Nephellium technology.

Von Daniken
Courageous Autodidacts work tirelessly to uncover the truth about the evil Arcane Construct. Pictured here: Himie Von Branigan.