Entertainments for Children and the Mentally Infirm

Part I: A Game Concerning Word Placement
Have a companion, who does have visual access to the following piece, to fill in the missing words. The results shall be of an uproarious nature.

One __________(unit of chronological measurement), I was __________ (gerund) down the street when a _________ (member of a species of genus Heterojapyx) jumped up on my neck and started gnawing into my ____________(artery of the upper spinopulmonary system). _____________(Iroquois expletive), I screamed at a decibel level of __________(number ≥ √-234.124 ), as I ran to the docks and jumped on the _____________(name of submarine of the Russian Akula Class). It was there that I ran into ________________(name of a 15th Century Flemish Noble), who showed me around. He showed me the______________(type of radiocarbon dating equipment), the ______________(type of boat used in the harbor of Cartagena, Colombia), and the______________(branch of the Interstate Commerce Commission). Then we hopped out and went to____________(Name of a Trans-Neptunian Object).

Part II: A Picture of Dave
Here is a picture of Dave. Using hand-held shears, separate this photographical image of Dave from the remainder of the magazine. Then, with an adhesive of some sort, you can place this picture of Dave somewhere within the confines of your domicile. Each day, you may gaze upon your photographical image of Dave while simultaneously providing an aesthetic accoutrement to your abode.