Our previous post asked for you to help our economy and solve the looming oil crisis by writing your representatives and senators in Congress and requesting that they provide both the esteemed Mr. Birdseye and myself with Letters of Marque so that we may equip privateers.
Many of you turn out to be lazy, so here are two additional options.
1. Download a PDF copy of the letter HERE, print it, and mail it to your congressperson;
or
2. open it, and email it to your congressperson HERE and HERE.
To Whom it May Concern,
I am one of your constituents in Astoria, NY and am writing to you today to seek your assistance in obtaining a Letter of Marque. Congress is, of course, authorized to issue such documents to private citizens under Article I, Section 8 of the Constitution of the United States.
As you are no doubt aware, rising oil prices are a major economic problem in America today. Not only do consumers pay more at the pump, but manufacturing and transportation costs have increased as well, driving up the cost of goods and services even for those who, like me, choose not to drive automobiles.
With a Letter of Marque, it would be possible for me to equip several Privateers which could operate in international waters and sea lanes. As modern supertankers have only a small crew, their capture would be relatively easy. The oil shipments would be delivered to major U.S. ports and the oil distributed inexpensively to refineries who would then pass the savings on to consumers. Oil prices would drop and that would help the economy.
Venezuelan and Middle Eastern tankers would make easy prey and the attitudes of Presidents Hugo Chavez, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Bashar Al-Assad, and Omar Hasan Ahmad al-Bashir already represent a situation of undeclared hostilities between their nations and ours. The United States and its people would greatly benefit from this captured oil. In the latter’s case, decreased oil revenues would harm Sudan’s ability to continue instigating a humanitarian crisis, gaining you even more votes from your constituents.
Petroleum is a non-renewable resource and some fear that we are approaching a “peak-oil” crisis where demand outstrips supply. Geologists and oil companies are constantly looking for new sources of oil, and Privateers would enable the U.S. to access an entirely new, inexpensive source of oil: foreign supertankers. There is no resulting fear of rising oil prices from an OPEC embargo because my Privateers would be capturing oil from the same countries for free.
This would not cause any diplomatic issues, as all my Privateers would fly an independent, skull-and-crossbones flag and no effort would be spared to ensure that the foreign tanker crews would be unharmed and repatriated as quickly as possible. Captured tankers would be given to Norway and other friendly oil-producing nations in exchange for price breaks on the purchase of oil.
With Congressional authorization and a duly issued Letter of Marque, I assure you that my Privateers would prove a great aid to the United States’ economy. As gasoline prices are expected to rise above the four dollar mark this summer, how could you possibly say no to Privateers?
Thank you, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Scott Birdseye and Jeremy Rosen
Astoria, NY
Dear Congress-Person,
I am tired of paying too much for gasoline and angry that rising fuel prices drive up the manufacturing and transportation costs of the goods I purchase. My wallet and/or pocketbook can’t take a beating like this any longer!
Therefore, I urge you to grant Letters of Marque to American sailors, such as Captains Birdseye and Rosen, so that they can attack and seize foreign oil tankers on the high seas.
Please do this soon!
Privateers will strengthen our economy and allow hardworking families to put food on the table and to pay for healthcare for their children. If you do not grant Letters of Marque to American Privateer Captains, then I will be forced to vote for the challenger in the next election.
The people must be heard and Congress must act NOW to protect America’s economy.
Sincerely and Patriotically,