Here are some puzzles to test your mental accumen. If you fail to answer them it means that you are worthless and foolish.

1. Can you add one letter to this word to make it mean something similar?

“EDGE”

2. Can you move one of these matches so that the remaining shape is of one of the letters of the alphabet?

3. The son of this man’s father is me. Who am I?

4. Two trains leave Cincinnati traveling at a velocity of 66mph. One train, it’s blue, increases its velocity by 1mph after each mile traveled, excluding miles divisible by 8 when it increases its speed by 2mph. At every forty three mile mark the train stops for five minutes and starts up again going at 50mph with the normal level of increased velocity per mile. On calendar days divisible by 7 the train ignores the double increase at mile marks divisible by 8 but changes to a decrease by 3mph for each mile mark divisible by 26. One leap year day the train reverses direction, maintaining the same velocity increases. The blue train does not run at all in March or August, nor on any Federal Holiday which falls on a day of the week named for a celestial body. The other train, which is red, increases its velocity by 3/8th of a mph after each 5000 meter mark, excluding Sundays, when at the top of each hour it increases by 78/15th of a mph after each 4km mark. How far apart are the two trains after 17 years? Please give your answer in furlongs.

Answers will be posted next week.

Anagrams

You can rearrange the words in a phrase to spell new words. Perhaps this can reveal the truth about things. Who knows, lots of things are possible, even stupid things.

Dick Warren Armstrong
Be ware of war god, dude.

The United States of America
Where can we park, sir? My car eats.

San Francisco
Fun in fog sun

Cover the Marmalade in Zeppelins
Many put air ships on jam, a uncle rots

London, England
Long domination

World War Two
Lord, why win tower?

Wear your heart on your sleeve.
Show me my forgotten tomorrow

Axes and Alleys
Dean needs alleles

Palindromes

These fun phrases can be read forward and backwards. What fun you’ll have.

Aztec death means Spaniard yards grow hi-tech, dz.

Madam, there must be in the garden a loose madman.

A can, a tank, a lob the boy at a cantankerous canasta.

Forgive the parish priest, he said the purchased Parcheesi on the olive.

Wexans wait for the whitewash walls of taxaw.

Find the glove, Robert or the rowboat will turn, Ralf.

O! It rains folio!

Dennis and Otto sinned.

Birdman ate sparerib.

Everyone loves a good excuse to dress up all slutty. Halloween’s as good an excuse as any, I guess. Of course, there are many problems with the usual sexy costumes.

Take for instance the sexy bee costume in the above picture. The reproductive life of the common European honeybee Apis mellifera is such that only a small portion of a hive population is involved in the mating act. The vast majority of bees are non-reproducing workers. Why would a worker need to look sexy? It can’t mate and hence does not need to display its sexual characteristics. Most awful is the fact that the sexy bee costume seems designed to accent the woman’s breasts. This is utterly silly; bees do not have mammary glands. So few people put thought into their costumes.

Sexy pirates, cops, firemen, gun molls, witches, vampires, and nurses are clichéd and hackneyed at best. This Halloween, as you celebrate the convergence of the netherworld with our plane of existence, why not try one of these sexy costumes:

• Architect
• Chairperson
• Records Clerk
• Human Resources Director
• City Planner
• Zoning Comission Member
• Event Coordinator
• Merchandising Associate
• MRI Technician
• Copy Machine Repairperson
• Congressional Aide
• Press Spokesperson
• News Anchor
• Chartered Accountant
• Driving Instructor
• Gardener

And don’t forget that everyone loves a sexy Regional Development Coordinator or a slutty Information Technology Specialist.

Note: Watch out for razor blades in your trick-or-treat candy, and have a safe, fun Halloween.

You can pick the picture we use for our Springuly 2005 cover! Below you will find three pictures of the babeliciously slutty Lindsay Lohan. Whichever hot pic’ gets the most votes will be the one we use for our Springuly cover. One of our lucky readers who votes will even be given the opportunity to write a letter which may appear in that very same issue.

Pick your favorite pic’

A

B

or is it cover….

3

Once you’ve figured out which picture of Ms. Lohan you like best, just send in your vote to:

A&A Lindsay Lohan Contest
476 Russell Senate Office Building
Washington, DC 20510

Stay tuned for the results in upcoming issues.