Dear Consul, Ambassador, Minister or Official,

Are you tired of the disrespectful attitudes shown towards your nation and its citizens by the disinterested bureaucracy of the United Nations? Do you truly feel that this bloated, scandal-ridden organization represents your needs? Is it not most frustrating that member states of the Security Council can willfully and freely veto any United Nations action, leaving the vast majority of member states virtually powerless in this long-useless body? Wouldn’t it be great if there were a solution to these problems?

Now there is. This is your opportunity to get involved in the new Unified Nations. The Unified Nations is a new organization with bold new ideas for the world. No longer will your nation and your people be forced to sit idly, powerless and ignored, while the so-called “major powers” dictate the course of the corrupt and villainous United Nations, holding your nation hostage.

The Unified Nations will be the new power in global politics. We will give your people a voice, give them an equal vote, give them the power to forge their own destiny amongst the varied peoples of the Earth. The decadent autocracy of the United Nations will be swept away, replaced by the strength and glory of the Unified Nations.

You will find that the Unified Nations will give you power in the world beyond that which your nation has ever known. And all for a members’ fee far below that of the greedy United Nations.

The fee for member states will be €20,000 per year, payable by cheque or money order made out to “cash” and sent to the Unified Nations Headquarters. Member states will receive voting privileges and veto power on all Unified Nations proposals. Once we reach a quorum of voting states we will commence work immediately on our charter. We want you to be a part of this glorious new adventure. Your ideas, policies and positions will be crucial in the creation of the charter and the destiny of the organization.

Take your stand now and rise with the powerful new order. The world will be ours and all its spoils. Organizational meetings are held at headquarters every other Thursday at 9 PM, where snacks are provided (including cheese, vienna sausages, water crackers and sometimes smoked salmon). Email us for further instructions.