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Category Archives: Scott Birdseye
How to Do It: Tiberium 2006
With LeMuel LeBratt
Featuring Permanent Guest Host Marcia Spatzelberg
by Special Guest Columnist Dave Titlebaum
In this month’s How to Do It, we’ll tell you an easy and simple way to steal the Kabbah Stone, the black meteorite in Mecca which is considered seriously holy to many Muslims. Now, how they consider a rock holy when they have tons of rules in Sharia against idolatry is beyond me, but it should be a fun thing to do on a rainy Saturday afternoon.
Ghosts
An Exploration of Physics
Is there really life after death or have people merely invented ghosts as a way to explain hallucinations in a way that provides hope for the continuation of existence beyond the grave?
There are a few problems with the idea of ghosts as they’ve been presented. Often the evidence comes down to a few strange photographs or eyewitness accounts, although some paranormal investigators have used advanced technology to attempt the verification of hauntings. This technology raises an important issue; if technology can detect ghosts, then ghosts should be a part of the realm of science, that is to say they can be proven or disproven using the scientific method.
So here we will attempt to see how science can cast light on the issue of ghosts. For starters, there is ghost photography. There are thousands of supposed photographs of ghosts of floating around this world. There’s a major problems with these photographs, and that is photons. As far as these photographs are concerned, there’s a common assumption that the camera can capture things that the human eye just can’t see.
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H.G. Peterson: The World’s Greatest Poet
H.G. Peterson is the world’s greatest living poet. His work “The Fall of Prague” is the official poem of the NASCAR racing circuit.
“Tawdry Lemons Parked Inside”
On planet Earth you’ll find a teeming cornucopia
Stuff like bats, cars and trains, that Thomas Moore’s Utopia
Trees, dolphins, meringue pie. Tasty Bavarian nurses
The buildings, art, soda- oh yes, those poetic verses
Several ways these things will break. They you will never mend
Our little Sun’s nuclear cycle, someday comes to end
That shiny outer atmosphere will redden and expand
Our planet’s seas boiling, steam and death roam ‘cross the land
As for other inner planets: Mercury, Venus, Mars
Like the filth they are they’ll disappear in our closest star
Our lovely, blue, little planet that we have grown to trust
Will become just a bunch of flaming debris, ash and dust
Ev’rything we know and love will forever cease to be
Pyramids, Napoleon, the great game of Clue and bees
No record of your first kiss, no one to eat cold ice cream
The Universe will soon forget each last man named Kareem
Don’t fret and don’t worry, it’s all going to be all right
One day our world she’ll be destroyed by supernova light
Keep in your mind this fact, this truth, so that you’ll know it’s not
The end of this world of ours, when your parents find your pot
Surprise #81
