Category Archives: News of the World

Community Calendar

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ESPERON CITY Community Calendar (Month of Springtober 2003)

Quonset Hut Walking Tour! The Quonset Hut Walking Tour Interest Group (QHWTIG) has scheduled this year’s walking tour for this Thursday! QHWTIG invites you to come out and join us for all of the exciting events, including:

* Visit to the Chalmert St./Vacation Ave. Quonset Hut
* Corrugation Inspector training session at The Quonset Hut Co.
* Visit to the Bobo Municipal Airport quonset hut and snack bar.
* And much more!!!

Sign up now and get a free sun visor. You’ll need it! Call QHWTIG at 724-8989 for more information or visit www.QHWTIG.com.

The Erin P. Murphy-MacGruder Memorial Bowling Team will be facing off against the Jean-Baptiste du Zudenheit Falafel Wahabi Tutsi Takamoto Softball Team in the semi-final round of the International Volleyball Tournament this Saturday at the Fairgrounds. Gates open at Noon.

Saturday Bookreadings at the Esperon Public Library continue next month. This week, hear Shannon Tourniquet read her novella Shard of Myself, in which a lesbian rocket scientist working with Werner von Braun discovers herself…and a new propulsion fuel for rockets.

Also this month:
Thomas Gene Crantston reading All the Underpants of the World, B. Primer Magus reading Of the Heliophile Zoodonts and Dr. Patrick Kilroy reading Podiatry Care for Children.

The Southside Community Blood Centre offers free ebola screenings this Tuesday and Wednesday. Come on in to find out if you have the deadly hemorrhagic plague. Free cookies and orange juice.

Sunday the Daughters of the Sino-Russian War will hold their bi-annual Uncle Awareness Week Bruncheon. The guest speaker will be Delores P. Grunion, President Pro-Tem of the International Guild of Women’s Aquatic Table Tennis Referees. Noon to Three at the Fraternal Order of the Wombat Lodge 64, located at 12-89 Steam Street in Roper’s Landing North.

The Pandatown Community Players will be holding open auditions for their Spring production of Hallor E. W. Satchel’s extra special play “The Untimely Death of the Circus Clown Moxie.”

Parts available include: Flootie, Mr. Poppers, Mrs. Poppers, Evil Toaster, The Organizer, Simbone, Torp-Torp, Second Robot (understudy), Narrator, Other Narrator, A Different Narrator and The Physician.

Stop by the Yoyo Avenue Theatre, Jupiday, Venday and Andromiday.

News of the World: October 2003

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Norway Invaded!


Flying High: New Norwegian dictator, Lumpy, presides as the Neo-Norwegian flag is hoisted above the capital

OSLO- Continuing a nearly two century trend in momentous governmental change for Norway, marmosets captured the entirety of Norway’s ruling parliament, the Storting, today. Chief Marmoset of Battle, Harold Longteeths, proclaimed “grrrraaaworweeep!”

The decisive move is more than likely the last in the boldest invasion since that of Sweden in the 19th Century. The Royal Family is reportedly on the run in Norway’s northern tundra. A division of marmoset commandos has been trailing King Harald V and the Crown Prince, who fled the palace and their respective wives in a fit of cowardice.

With the marmosets now creating a provisional Neo-Norwegian government, protests from around the globe seem impotent at best. “I understand that Norwegia has been attacked today. I know some white people are very upset at this moment and I would just like to say I feel their pain,” said President Handley of the U.S.

However, other world leaders seem particularly gleeful over the takeover. “I think those damned Norwegians got what they deserved. Maybe now the marmosets will share the women with us,” a jovial Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi of Italy declared.


Fear Rules the Streets: Marmoset attack on Oslo

It is not clear what the marmoset’s next moves in Norway or beyond will be, but the other Scandinavian countries have been girding for war, with backup evacuation plans to Iceland and Greenland in the works, the next year appears to be one of the greatest movements of Scandinavian peoples since the year 994.