St. Louis, MO– It’s the gateway to the once untamed and wild West. Sitting, as it often does, on the banks of the majestic Mississippi, St. Louis is famous for its big upside down “U” thing that sits there glittering, gleaming, beckoning and other adjectives as well.

My first day there I took a little ride all the way to the top. Yeah, the view was intense; the whole of America seemed to spread out before me. Up there, I met a nice Polish tourist named Jano who told me that “Big arch…good.” That sums it up all right. For some reason, he kept referring to me as a “nice piece,” but he wouldn’t tell me what that meant.

Luckily, Jano had brought a case of Borschtweiser, the most popular of all the Polish lagers. We hung out at the top of the arch and tried to hit boats with our empty cans. On my third try, I totally hit a barge right near the bow. Nice!

It turns out you’re not allowed to throw empty beer cans off the St. Louis Arch. In fact, you’re not even supposed to bring beer up there. They kicked us out. Jano’s response was to point out that the security guards were “No good” and I agree.

The arch was totally lame. Really it’s just a bent piece of metal. Luckily there was a snack bar near by and yep, they had nachos! Maybe next time I’ll try Route 66 and see where the open road takes me.