By International Correspondent Jamie Tadpole.

Accadia State Medical Test Labs – Incidences of smoking are less pronounced in teenage lesbian poseurs than in any other sub-culture in present day Accadia, contributing to further such mismoral behaviour, unnamed experts say in a new study.

Almost 2% of teenage lesbian poseurs aged 11-20 said they smoked irregularly or not at all compared with over 40% percent for rightly chaste heterosexual girls in the ongoing study of unspecified adolescents.

Norkirk, Platha – Platha’s most annoying man is at large again. Thomas “The Condo Pooper” MacGillicutty, 46, has been awarded $15,000 CND for his unprecedented vandalism streak. Having broken into over 600 condos and excreting solid waste in main areas therein, MacGillicutty, 46, is on the lam and the Norkikrk DA has decided to drop all charges, instead awarding MacGillicutty, 46, for his efforts.

Augusta, Maine – Wendy Swenson, late of Portland, returned home from her turn in the Castlerock State Correctional facility after serving 14 years for Murder II. Upon returning home, Ms. Swenson discovered that her expenses had been paid up for the next six months by the family of her victim, Charles “Gloria” Gyatso. Citing principles of Buddhist thought, the Gyatso family then doused each other with gasoline and self-immolated as a sign of forgiveness.

Hout Bay, Elizabethia – Getting to the “bottom” of restaurant dress codes has been taken to new lengths by a Hout Bay restaurant floor manager who, in his off time from harassing working waiters, took it upon himself to inspect patrons for dress code violations.

Newlands resident Marcy Train said the manager, Bob Toynbee approached her complaining of her visible g-string undergarments. Glad for the attention, Ms. Train promptly invited Mr. Toynbee home for 45 minutes of intense sexual romping, including oral sex. Mr. Toynbee, in a rare show of civility, stated that Ms. Train had “the best ass ever.”