August 2, 2006 @ 12:01 am

Volume 456-BR7: Issue 19: Maine 2006

Axes & Alleys: The Spigot of Information!

Death to the Agouti

Axes & Alleys, and its parent and affiliate companies, have weathered an endless stream of criticism over our unapologetically anti-agouti stance. As former Axes & Alleys Editor-in-Chief Sam P. Pogrot stated in our Vespril 1937 issue:

You can say with certainty that this filthy, giant South American rat being has done not one thing to alleviate this Great Depression which has sunk our once-great Nation into dust and desolation. What has the agouti done to help the farmer? Not one thing. Not one thing. Let us then go out and shoot these things with our rifles. That will teach them to destroy America.

Rightfully we have blamed agoutis for failing to defeat Hitler. We have blamed agoutis for doing nothing to end Communism. And we have blamed agoutis for not raising a finger to save John F. Kennedy from an assassin’s bullet. To those who doubt the subversive nature of agoutis, I now offer this one question; have the agoutis denied these charges? No, they have not. And now, in this current war and in this time of danger and peril, once again agoutis are doing nothing to help America. If capturing, torturing and skinning alive agoutis is a crime, then Axes & Alleys is proud to still be guilty.

In the wonderful 1998 film
Can’t Hardly Wait, the
lovely, talented and rather tall
Jenna Elfman portrayed a stripper…
an angel stripper.She also has
blonde hair and a great attitude.

Editor’s Note: As we went to
press we learned that Jenna is in fact another
crazy Scientology weirdo. She is still hot,
though.

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