A Description of the Happenings
All About the City of Bestoria
Attack Velocity 2: The Last Attack actress Jacinda
Sporkan returns from her wedding yesterday to Bestoria
Peregrine football quarterback Herb “The Wall” Halloran.
The couple will be taking their honeymoon in York, U.K.
Look who showed up at the Grand Opening of the new
Cannery on the Katharinetowne Industrial Parkway.
That’s right, it’s reclusive author Jamison B. Flindershdtadt,
who sources tell us is getting ready to write the
sequel to his bestseller A Hedgerow for Darius.
Local Bestboy Grip Dave Flan smiles for the
camera while partying at Triscoe’s Bodega.
April 23, 2004
Local Poet Search Turns Ugly.
H.G. Peterson, formerly of Esperia, says the process to choose the Bestoria Poet Laureate has been stymied by literati infighting. Peterson is best known for his amazing “Guide to Monkeys” published within this magazine.
And Peterson just might bail out the municipality’s search committee, which extended its deadline from January to April, when it failed to find any poets within the original two weeks specified who were willing and able to write verse about the General Worthington Expressway.
Though he prefers scarf and fedora to the more traditional laurels, Peterson contends, in various pentameters, that no one is suited more than he to Bestoria’s distinct rhyme and odometer.
“My poetry is synonymous with Bestoria and its people,” he told Axes & Alleys’ Romulus Augustulus. “Naturally, I’m be honored to assume the responsibilities of poetifying Bestoria.”
He’s written only one sonnet and few limericks, and is only published in obscure journals of various reputes, but Peterson is a true star. Earlier this century he helped bring poetry to impoverished Montsylvania. Few poets can point to a run of celebrity wives like he can.
Like other poets, Peterson often references the work of masters who came before him – and not just Thomas O’Reilley of Dublin. Keats wrote “Ode to a Grecian Urn.” Peterson wrote “Ode to the Fishing Trawler Which Brought My Fish.”
“I always wanted to be a monger of some sort,” he said. “It’s just now we call it a poet.”
Will the crusty committee consider Peterson’s work on par with that of Shinny Whitfield or Esther Yeardly?
“We’re not going to throw out his application,” said Arnold “Comfy” Silver, the 104-year-old Montsylvania College of Agricultural Technology Design Arts librarian managing the search.
To be eligible for the three-year honorary position, the poet’s work must contain at least 32 references to things Bestorian or be 26% Bestorian in nature, whichever comes last, and have lived in the general area for five years, and have at least one friend originating from Bestoria. They must also take a 500 question quiz on the historiography of the region and its people and show a fondness of carrots. Upon acceptance of the position they will be crowned with the official Poetic Nipple Rings; a much esteemed piercing.
Peterson says Bestoria was the inspiration for much of his poetry. His favorite, “Cleaning Coffins: The Saga of Brenford II with Persimmons,” refers to Bestoria specifically.
Though he recently left this the city for less poetic pastures in Aardvington, that does not disqualify Peterson from assuming the post, Silver said.
The committee, comprised mainly of area swineherds (who were originally the bastion of Bestoria’s poetic virtue), will review the applications in the coming days.